


Sanders Sides Oneshots/Song Fics

by Nonbinary_dude_chillin



Series: Sanders Sides Song Fics [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Castles, Cuddles, Fluff n’ Stuff, Fluffy Mociet, Haphephobia, Imagination, Kisses, Memories, Misunderstandings, Musicals, Panic Attacks, Patton’s room, Remus being Remus, Seductive? Logan, Self Harm, Song fics, TW: Eisoptrophobia, TW: cutting, Talking letters, bars and drinking, oneshots, plays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonbinary_dude_chillin/pseuds/Nonbinary_dude_chillin
Summary: Hey, this is just a collection of Sanders Sides song Fics and oneshots. I take requests and I can do all ships, (except RemRom for obvious reasons) including platonic.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/King Creativity | Romulus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Platonic LAMP, Platonic!RemRom - Relationship
Series: Sanders Sides Song Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913380
Comments: 22
Kudos: 33





	1. OS: Through Thick or Thin P1 (platonic LAMP)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I will usually put all information in the chapter name.
> 
> SF stands for song fic, OS stands for one shot. I will also put the ship name by it, or if it is even shippy at all.
> 
> Thanks and good luck! It’s pretty damn angsty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Through Thick or Thin, a Sanders Sides oneshot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so in this oneshot Virgil does have haphephobia (the fear of being touched), so if that’s a trigger for you, please don’t read.
> 
> There’s also panic attacks and cutting.
> 
> And also, this is fully of my own experience and research so please don’t come after me. I actually suffered from haphephobia before, and didn’t realize it. So I wanted to make a story about it, and get out my feelings through fanfiction.

Virgil was touch starved.

And yes, he knew that.

But he wasn’t going to do anything about it. Why bother? He was the villain of course, none of the others even /wanted/ to touch him, and Virgil would probably lose it if they tried. He had only just revealed his name, and of course they were trying to accept him, but they still were keeping their distance somewhat. Even Patton, who was the most touchy-feely side there was, still didn’t do as much as he probably could.

So yeah, Virgil was pretty much stuck. But he was okay with it, I mean he had dealt with it for several years now, he could handle it. It wouldn’t be a problem.

Right?

Virgil hopped off his bed when he heard Patton calling them all down for dinner. He pulled on his hoodie and shoved his phone in his pocket.

When he got to the kitchen he made sure that his legs weren’t touching anyone's, you know, just to be safe.

“Ahh, the emo nightmare finally emerges from his dark and sinister cave.” Roman said.

“Whatever Princey.” Virgil mumbled, turning to his pasta.

“Now Roman, don’t tease him.” Patton scolded, “Remember, this is an accepting environment.”

“Fine.”

Virgil spent most of the meal not talking, still not sure how much the others wanted to talk to him. Patton tried to engage him in conversation more than once, but he just answered with a stiff yes or no. Logan had his nose in a book, (as usual) so the only one Virgil even remotely wanted to talk to was preoccupied.

Once dinner was over, Virgil retreated once more to his room. He turned on his favorite playlist and flopped down on his bed, not really intending to do anything but listen to music and think.

He was doing just that, when Roman burst into his room yelling about a new video idea. Virgil groaned and sat up, “What do you want Princey?”

“Just come downstairs! I got a burst of inspiration!”

As Roman ran out of the room, Virgil rolled off his bed (literally.) He slumped down the stairs and to the living room, where he found an excited looking Roman and Patton and a skeptical looking Logan.

“What’s going on?” He asked groggily.

Logan adjusted his glasses, “Roman has a new video idea, and we wanted to make sure you were okay with it.”

Virgil stopped in his tracks, confused, “You guys never want my opinion.”

Logan, Patton and Roman all looked at each other guiltily. Patton plastered a smile on his face, “Well now we do kiddo!”

Virgil nodded slowly, “Okay, what’s the idea?”

“We- or I wanted to do a Harry Potter themed one!” Roman exclaimed.

“Harry Potter?”

“Yeah!”

Virgil shrugged, “Okay, I don’t care.”

Actually he really did care, he wasn’t really fond of the idea, but he hated being put on the spot, so he just went with anything.

Heading back up the stairs, he heard hushed voices talking behind him. He ignored them but Virgil couldn’t help but wonder if they were about him.

… 

Virgil was awoken by a bright light flickering on. He hissed and pulled his head under the covers.

“Awaken you demon of doom and gloom! Patton has prepared breakfast!”

Virgil buried his head deeper into the mattress and tried to block out Roman’s voice.

“Seriously Virge, Patton wants us all up from something.”

Virgil sat up, rubbed his eyes and made a point to glare at Roman before he left.

Ten minutes later they were all sitting in a circle on the living room floor. Patton had made waffles and they were told to sit on the floor and eat them for some reason. (Virgil sat a little further from the group then usual, just to be safe.)

“Okay.” Patton said, finishing the rest of his food. “I’m sure you’re all curious about why we’re eating breakfast on the floor, and this is why!”

He snapped his fingers and a game board appeared in the middle of all of them.

Virgil heard Logan sigh, obviously not pleased, and he himself had some doubts on whether or not this was a good idea.

“Uhh, Patton?” Roman said.

“Yeah kiddo?”

“Well, it’s just I would love to play… but I have to work on the video.”

“Aww Roman! Come onnnn, that can wait! And plus… it’s Harry Potter!” Virgil watched as Patton made puppy dog eyes at Roman.

Roman gave in, “Fine, but I have to work on it tomorrow then.”

Patton clapped his hands together, “Yay!”

He and Logan set up the game board with the Harry Potter pieces. Virgil was surprised that the logical side hadn’t voiced his opinion, he was usually the one to reject all and any type of actual fun.

Most of the game went okay, Virgil kept his distance making sure his fingers didn’t brush their’s, you know, the normal stuff. But that all failed when Roman decided to clap him on the shoulder after a particularly slick move, not only did it spook Virgil, it nearly sent him into a panic attack.

None of the others noticed of course, he was pretty good at hiding it.

It felt as if a hundred tiny needles were poking him where Roman’s hand had hit. It was a new and scary feeling, and Virgil hated feeling scared.

He was almost to the point of hyperventilating when Patton finally called time quits.

The pinpricks didn’t go away as the game ended, they stayed on his shoulder all the way up the stairs and back to his room.

Once he was there, he shrugged off his jacket and examined his shoulder. He was almost hoping that there was physically damage, and not… something else.

But his skin was perfectly fine. Virgil brushed his fingers over the spot multiple times. His own touch didn’t feel weird, it was only Roman’s.

… 

When Patton called them all down for dinner again, Virgil wanted to know if it was just Roman’s touch that gave him the tingly feeling.

So when he was going up to get a plate he purposely brushed his hand on Patton’s arm.

Virgil froze.

Oh god. If he thought a hand through his sweater was bad, skin on skin contact was even worse. The pinpricks were intensified and it felt as if his hand was paralyzed. Virgil could feel his palms start to sweat, and knew if he didn’t get out of here soon, he might have a panic attack.

“Virgil? Are you alright kiddo?” Patton asked. He put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder the same way Roman did.

‘Too much. Too much! TOO MUCH!’ Virgil’s brain screamed at him.

The anxious side tore his shoulder out of Patton’s grip and fled back up to his room. He buried himself back in the covers of his bed, gasping for air. He was clenching and unclenching his fists in an attempt to calm down.

He knew he shouldn’t have run away, but everything was just too much. He told himself to just breathe.

Luckily Virgil was able to get things under control, so when Patton knocked on his door he was prepared.

“Virgil kiddo? Are you in there?”

“Of course he’s in there.” Came Roman’s voice. “He’s always in there.”

“Roman! Be nice.”

“Oh, was not nice? It’s facts.”

“You're not wrong about it being a fact, but Virgil is obviously not feeling very well right now, and your comments do not help.”

‘Oh,’ Virgil thought. ‘So Logan’s there too? Why are they so worried?’

“Both of you just be quiet!” Patton said sharply, “Virgil, will you come out and talk to us? We want to know what’s wrong.”

Virgil sighed, got up and unlocked the door. “I’m fine guys, thanks for checking in though.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I just saw a spider, that’s all.”

Patton’s eyes widened, “What! You saw a creepy crawly death dealer!?”

“Yes, but it was just a umm, it was just a shadow.”

“Oh.” Patton relaxed, “Well, we also came up here to invite you to Cookie night! If you want to come that is.”

Virgil blinked, he had never been invited to Cookie Night. “I mean, sure. If you want.”

“Great! See you tomorrow then!”

… 

Virgil’s footsteps were hesitant as he walked down the stairs to the kitchen. He didn’t really know how this worked.

“Hey kiddo!” Patton exclaimed, “Glad you could make it!”

“Yeah, umm, what exactly do you guys do?”

“Well, normally Roman and Patton will make a couple batches of cookies, and then we’re done. It honestly doesn’t make sense.”

“Logan, it’s a way to be together as a famILY!”

Logan gave him an annoyed look, but didn’t say anything else.

“Alright!” Patton exclaimed, “Let's get started!” He walked over to one of the cabinets, “Virgil will you help me with these bowls? Logan, will you get the ingredients? And Roman, you’re on music duty!”

Virgil walked over to the cabinet and helped Patton take down the bowls, they were probably the worst two for the job as they were the shortest.

“Right,” Roman said cheerfully, “I have the perfect songs!”

He plugged his phone into the speaker and clicked on a song.

Virgil heard the start of the song Classic and facepalmed, of course Princey would choose something like this.

They ended up making several batches of cookies, chocolate chip, of course, but Roman insisted that they make sugar cookies with a whole fuckload of frosting and sprinkles. And Logan asked for Snickerdoodles.

Virgil didn’t really mind. He was actually enjoying it more than he thought he would. Although, he would never say that out loud.

When the cookies were finally put in the oven (Roman enchanted it to fit several cookie sheets, per Patton’s request,) the morals side shooed them all out of the kitchen.

Virgil took out his phone and flopped down on the couch, deciding to wait until the cookies were done. He stiffened when Logan sat down a little too close to him with a book. Their arms were almost touching, and Virgil quickly moved to the opposite side of the couch.

He pretended to be fixated on his phone, but caught Logan shooting him a suspicious look out of the corner of his eye.

Virgil was relieved when Patton called them all back in.

“They’re done!” He said excitedly, clapping his hands together, and nodding his head to a small plate of cookies in the middle of the counter.

“Where are the others?” Virgil asked, looking around.

“Oh, they’re already in the cookie jars, but I wanted us to try these ones first.”

“Okay…” Virgil picked up a cookie and attempted to take a bite. Key word /attempted./

Roman knocked his out of his hand before he could actually eat it.

“Hey! What gives!”

Roman rolled his eyes, “You’re not supposed to eat them like that!”

“Oh!” Patton exclaimed, “Virgil’s never done this before! We all take a bite at the same time!”

“Nonsensical obviously.” Logan mumbled under his breath. Patton pretended not to hear him.

“Well, now my cookie’s on the ground.” Virgil said, glaring at Roman.

“No worries!” Patton walked over to one of many cookie jars and took another one out for him.

“Okay! On the count of three!”

Everyone picked up their cookie as Patton counted down.

“Three… Two… One!”

Everyone ate theirs on ‘one’, and Virgil was amazed at how good they tasted. He ate it the fastest he’s even eaten anything.

“Wow! Patton these are amazing! Where do you learn this!?” He said, forgetting to keep up his edgy persona.

He looked up and saw everyone staring at him. “What?”

“Are-are you… smiling?” Roman asked.

Virgil’s eyes widened and he slapped a hand over his mouth. “No! I-”

“Oh my gosh!” Patton squealed, “He was smiling!”

Virgil watched, almost in slow motion, as Patton opened his arms and took a step forward.

He panicked.

Virgil jerked backward and ended up tripping over the leg of a chair as he dashed for the door. He sprinted up the stairs to his room, slammed the door shut, and locked himself in.

His back slid down the wall as he struggled to breath. Hands clutching his hair he counted to ten and then back down again.

Not two minutes later he heard a knock on his door. “Kiddo? Are you alright? This is the second time you've run off, and I'm worried about you.”

“Yeah.” Virgil said, forcing his voice to sound normal, “I’m okay. Thanks Patton.”

“If you're sure…”

Virgil waited for his footsteps to fade away before letting the first tear roll down his cheek.

Why did he have to be so broken? He was a mess, unfit to live. Who ran away from a hug!? A pathetic person, that’s who. And Virgil was pathetic, he knew this.

He curled into a ball where he sat, knowing that he wasn’t getting any sleep that night.

… 

The others left him alone for the next couple of days, sensing that he might need some space.

Virgil stayed cooped up his room, almost scared to face the others. He was able to get food late at night so he wasn't starving, but it still wasn’t a healthy eating habit. Patton often left a plate of food outside his door at meal times. Virgil never touched any of it.

Most of the time he was huddled in his sweatshirt, under the covers. Ever since Patton had tried to hug him, for some reason he was craving someone’s arms around him. And he had no idea why.

Virgil was scared.

He was scared of what it would be like now that he had awoken something inside himself. He was scared of how the others might react. He was scared of change. He was scared of how he himself felt.

Everything had been fine before. He had been okay with avoiding all types of physical contact. But now… now it was different.

The pain in Virgil’s chest was a constant now. Along with the tingly feeling on his shoulder and hand. Like they were reminding him of how broken he was.

He stayed under the covers most of the day, curled in on himself. Hoping and praying that the feelings that were crippling him would vanish completely

But despite all of that, they remained.

On the fourth day Virgil spent like this, he heard a knock on his door.

“Umm, hey kiddo… can I come in?”

Virgil sighed and snapped his fingers. The door opened. He saw Patton standing there.

The morals side walked into the room and sat on the edge of Virgil’s bed, Virgil noticed that he was careful to avoid his feet. That just made his mood a whole lot worse. Of course Patton wouldn’t want to get too close to him.

“We’re worried about you Virge.”

Virgil didn’t reply.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

He shook his head.

He heard Patton sigh, “If you're sure. But will you at least come down tomorrow?”

Virgil hesitated, then nodded, deciding that he’d been away for long enough. And if this feeling wasn't going away, he might as well learn to live with it.

“Thanks kiddo!” Patton put a hand on his back. Virgil flinched and he jerked away. Patton looked a little hurt, but got up and left.

When the door closed again, Virgil mentally started to beat himself up. He had hurt Patton, someone who had always been there for him! He was a terrible person.

The worst part was, there was another tingly spot now. On his back.

… 

Per Pattons’ request, Virgil walked down to the kitchen. He had cleaned himself up, so he didn't look like a goblin who had rolled in a mud puddle and hadn’t slept in several days.

When he entered the kitchen everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him.

“What are you all staring at?” He snapped.

They all exchanged a look, “Glad you could come down to dinner Virgil.” Logan said.

Virgil didn’t say anything, instead he sat down and started to eat. They had a mostly silent dinner. Everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts.

When Virgil was helping Patton clear the dishes, the morals side bumped into him walking to the sink.

Virgil reacted quickly, jumping back and hitting his hip on the edge of the table. Patton looked at him, confused. “Are you alright?”

Virgil nodded, focusing on the dishes in his hand and not the new tingly spot on his arm. “Yep. All good.”

After dinner Roman suggested that they all watch a movie, (Disney obviously). Everyone agreed, not having much else to do.

Virgil made sure to sit far away from the others, still acutely aware of the pinpricks on his back, arms and hand.

They started the movie The Lion King, and Virgil knew he would fall asleep. Sure enough he was awoken by a finger tapping his knee.

He pulled it back and looked around wildly. He saw Logan looking at him with a furrowed brow, “The movie happens to be over.” The logical side said mildly.

“Thanks.” Virgil mumbled. Logan continued to look at him thoughtfully, as if trying to figure out a particularly hard puzzle.

Virgil stood up and walked to his room. Just before he closed the door he heard Logan say softly, “Make sure you get some sleep.”

… 

The next day Virgil woke a little more optimistic than usual. That changed when he felt the tingly feelings all over his body. They still hadn’t gone away.

The feeling of wanting to be hugged hadn’t gone away either.

He wrapped the covers around himself more tightly than usual. Trying to imitate the feeling of someone’s arms around him. Although he had no idea what it felt like, he had never been hugged. At least, not that he could remember.

Janus had never really been the side to show physical affection. And Virgil was sometimes scared to even get close to Remus, let alone hug him.

So yeah, he had never experienced it. Which was sad and pitiful yes, but it was the reality. The reality that Virgil was okay with, until now.

He knew that Patton would be worried if he didn’t get up, at least for lunch. So despite wanting to stay under the covers and avoid the sun like a vampire, he got ready and walked down the stairs.

“Hey kiddo!”

The first thing Virgil noticed was that Patton sounded way more cheery than average, which was saying something. The second thing was Roman and Logan exchanging meaningful glances.

“Hey Pat.” He said, ignoring the sketchy pair.

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good! Are you cold at night? Do you need more blankets?”

“No.”

Okay, there was definitely something going on. Patton would never go in his room, not even to give him more blankets.

“Okay!”

Virgil decided to skip lunch and just lounge on the couch listening to his music. But he had forgotten his phone upstairs. He walked up the stairs to his room and grabbed his phone and headphones off his bedside table.

As he was coming down the stairs, Roman was going up. Virgil sidestepped the prince but he still managed to catch his ankle of Roman’s foot and go tumbling down the stairs.

“Really Princey!?” Virgil said, glaring up at him.

“Oh! My apologies Dr. Gloom!”

Roman was down the stairs in two seconds flat holding out his hand to Virgil. He didn’t take it. Instead the anxious trait just stood up and brushed himself off.

“I can get up myself, thanks.” He grumbled, walking back over to the couch.

He flopped down next to Logan (not close though) who was reading a book. (That’s honestly all he ever did.) Then there was a tingling on his ankle.

Virgil closed his eyes in frustration, why did Roman’s have to do that?

“Virgil?” Are you okay?”

Virgil snapped his head up, “Oh yeah! I’m fine.”

Lotan raised an eyebrow, “Okay.”

… 

Over the next few days Virgil noticed that the others were paying more and more attention to him. It was weird and slightly uncomfortable; Virgil was never the center of attention and having the spotlight thrust upon him was alarming.

But that’s not the worst part, the others were also touching him more, from taps on the shoulder to bumps in the hallways. And Virgil would always freeze up. He hated it because he knew the others were doing it on purpose.

Although he didn’t know why they were doing it, he still was frustrated. Cause now there were little tingly spots all over his body, but he didn’t know how to tell them to stop.

He wanted them to stop right?

Right?

He didn’t want them to hug him or a high-five or a handshake!

That was impossible; he didn’t like physical contact!

He couldn’t.

Virgil shook himself out of his thoughts and walked down to the kitchen. Patton would be mad if-

“What the hell!”

Everyone in the kitchen whipped around. “Virgil!” Patton said frantically, “Wait before you-”

“What is /he/ doing here?!” Virgil spat.

“Virgil, I know how you must feel about this, but-”

Virgil glared at Logan and cut him off, “Don’t make any excuses! I want to know what Ja- Deceit is doing in our kitchen!”

“You do realize that I’m not barred from this end of the mindscape? It’s not like a side of Thomas as well and can go where I want right?” Janus hissed, looking Virgil directly in the eye.

“I’ve told you not to come near here again! Thomas doesn’t know about you yet so why are you even over here?!”

“I came to offer my advice on how to feed a chicken.”

“Okay! Fine don’t tell me, just get out!”

“I was just leaving anyway, my work here happens to be done.”

With a glare Janus sunk back into the floor. Virgil hissed after him, then rounded on the others.

“Why was he here!?”

“Virgil. Please calm down kiddo.” Patton said.

“Yeah,” Roman agreed, “We weren't exactly happy about it either.”

Logan jumped in, “Virgil, the thing, he had information that we needed. And unfortunately was the only one that had it, seeing as Roman’s brother and the other one aren't very observant.”

“Don’t call him my brother.” Roman snapped, “Call him IT.”

“IT?”

“Intrusive Thoughts.”

“Well, regardless he didn’t have the information we required.”

Virgil looked at all three of them angrily, “Couldn’t you have done without that ‘information’?”

“No actually, it is very important. We understand your long history with Deceit, but we thought you were asleep.”

“Virgil just please hear us out.” Patton said.

Virgil stared at them for a while, before finally relaxing. “Fine. What?”

They all exchanged a glance before Logan opened his mouth. “It came to my attention that you were avoiding being close to us, which is understandable seeing as you usually did. But you ran away when Patton tried to hug you, you seemed panicked. That was unusual. So I naturally kept a close eye on you.

“Then Patton came and told me what happened in your room. By then I knew something was wrong, you avoided any kind of physical connection. So I asked the others to do small things to touch you, bumbling into you in the hall, tapping you on the shoulder, etc.”

Virgil looked at him, appalled, “What!? Why!?”

Logan sighed and fixed his tie, “It’s quite obvious that you’re touch starved Virgil. And my guess is that you’ve also developed haphephobia, or the fear of being touched.”

The world around Virgil seemed to spin out of control.

No!

Nonononononononono.

They had found out!

He hadn’t kept it a secret.

Why?!

Why, why, why?!”

Shit, he was panicking. He had to stop.

“Virgil? Virgil? Are you alright?”

Though the haziness of his eyes, Virgil could see a tall figure walking toward him with a hand outstretched. He stumbled backward, bumping into the wall.

The figure pulled back and Virgil realized it was Logan. He took a deep breath, trying to find his balance, “So what if I’m touch starved!” He yelled, “There’s a reason for that! Stay the fuck away from me!”

Virgil whirled around and tried to leave, but he felt a hand close on his wrist. This made him panic even more, wrenching his arm out of Logan’s grip and sprinting out of the kitchen.

“Virgil! Wait!”

He ignored the voices shouting after him and slammed the door to his room, breathing hard. His knees felt weak, as he desperately tried to calm his racing heart.

Virgil sank to the floor in despair, tears pouring out of his eyes.

Why?

Why couldn’t he just be normal? Be happy?

If he was normal he wouldn’t be crying right now.

He wouldn’t be feeling this shitty.

This stupid.

This worthless… 

Virgil’s thoughts spiraled downward as tears rolled down his cheeks. Feeling drained, he surrendered to them.

The others all must think he was pitiful.

A sorry soul.

A lost cause.

A waste of time.

A ball of doom and destruction, only capable of making everything worse.

And maybe he was.

Maybe he was… 

What Virgil really needed right now were his knives. He suddenly seemed to have enough energy to lift himself up off the floor and walk in a daze to the bathroom. He opened the top cabinet and found a small purple box.

Taking it down, he lifted the lid to find a small pocket knife and gauze. He lifted the knife above his arms and screwed his eyes shut.

The first cut was a relief.

The second one was too.

And the third.

And the fourth.

Scarlet blood dripped down his arm and onto the floor. He didn’t care.

With the tenth cut came a voice.

“Virgil? Virgil? Are you in here?”

Virgil’s eyes widened and he scrambled up, shoving the pocket knife back in the cabinet and shoving his sleeves down.

“I’m in here Patton!” He called, quickly covering the blood on the floor with the bath mat.

He walked out of the bathroom and saw Patton, Roman and Logan standing in the middle of his room.

“Hey guys.” Virgil said, smiling, “Did you need something?”

None of them said anything, they just stared at him.

Virgil looked down at his sweatshirt, but saw nothing. “What? Why are you staring.”

Roman slowly drew his sword, “Who are you and what did you do with Virgil? Wait… hang on… DECEIT! I KNOW THAT’S YOU.”

He charged at Virgil with his sword over his head, Virgil ducked, but Logan tripped the prince before he could swing his sword.

“That won’t be necessary.” He said as Roman got to his feet. “But you are acting strange Virgil. Are you actually Deceit.”

Virgil shook his head, “No! It’s the real me!”

Roman narrowed his eyes, “Exactly what Deciet would say…”

“Roman, enough.” Logan said, “If you’re not Deceit then why are you acting so strangely?”

“What! I'm not acting weird.”

“But you are kiddo.” Patton said, “You left in a huff, or more like a panic, but now you’re perfectly fine… happy even.”

Virgil suddenly remembered why he left in the first place. “Oh… well… um, actually I-”

“What were you doing in the bathroom Virgil?” Logan asked, looking him directly in the eye.

“Nothing I-”

“I don’t smell anything, you weren’t smoking or drinking.”

“Woah! Whoa! Wait, you guys, why would you think I would-”

Despite his words Logan walked past the anxious trait into the bathroom.

“Logan wait! You’re blowing this out of proportion! I didn't do anything!” He flowed Logan into the bathroom and stood on the bath mat. “I don’t know what you’re looking for! I didn’t do anything.”

“Your excessive protests suggest otherwise.” Logan mumbled, peering into all of the cabinets.

Virgil was starting to panic again; Logan was getting closer and closer to THE cabinet.

“Logan! Stop! Seriously!” Virgil pleaded.

Surprisingly he did. Logan slowly turned to face Virgil, “Fine. I’ll stop. But show me your arms.’

“Wh-what?”

“Show me your arms.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure I’m not that hard to understand. Show me your arms.”

“But I-”

“Show. Me. Your. Arms.”

Logan’s voice was low and dangerous, and it scared Virgil. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and rolled up his sleeves.

He heard three different voices gasp, and footsteps as Roman and Patton came into the bathroom.

“Virgil no…” Patton whispered.

Virgil could feel the tears coming again, he snapped his eyes open. “Look, I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t care okay! Just- just don’t! I’ve already had the ‘talk’ once and that’s enough.”

Logan sighed, “We won’t have that talk, but I do think a ‘family meeting’ is in order. Virgil we will leave you in here to get cleaned up, we will see you down in the living room in a couple of minutes. I am also taking the knife with me, where is it?”

Virgil glumly pointed at THE cabinet. Logan opened it, took the knife and walked out. Roman and Patton followed.

As the door to his room closed, Virgil smashed his fists on the edge of the sink.

How had he been so stupid?!

Two of his deepest secrets revealed in one day.

God! He was an idiot!

To distract himself from the tears that wanted desperately to escape his eyes, he washed his arms and bandaged them.

It took Virgil a great deal of time to work up the courage to do the simple task of walking down the stairs.

When he finally did, he found everyone else looking extremely nervous. Roman was pacing, Patton was looking out the window and Logan’s knee was bouncing in his chair.

“Hey.” He said quietly.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“Virgil, will you please take a seat?” Logan asked, gesturing to the couch.

Virgil plopped down on it, (far away from Patton) feeling like a scolded child.

“I understand that you’ve already had the ‘self-harm-talk.’” Logan began, “I assume it was Deceit who did it, although he didn’t do a very good job by the looks of it. So you know that self harm is not a healthy way to deal with feelings.”

Virgil nodded. “I know that.”

“Talking to a therapist is a good way to do that. I think Dr. Picani in the Imagination would be happy to help with that. I’ve already given him a call and set you up for several appointments with him-”

“Wait what!? You did that without my permission?!”

Logan ignored him, “Roman, will you be able to let Virgil into the Imagination every week on Wednesdays?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, now that that is addressed-”

“Wait stop!” Virgil said, “You can’t just do this! You have to have my consent! What if I don’t think this is a good idea?”

Logan raised an eyebrow, “Then your judgement is figurative trash. There have been several scientific studies showing that therapy might not be helpful in the moment, but it will be in the long term. And you do want to stop cutting right?”

Virgil couldn’t answer that.

Did he really want to stop self harming?

In a twisted, terrible way, he didn’t. He wanted to keep hurting himself, and he didn’t want anything to change about his life.

But he also did want to stop because he knew that self harming made him a freak, made him different from everyone else.

So yes, Virgil did want to stop. Not because he wanted to get better, but because he didn’t want to be different. It wasn't a perfect answer, but it was the only one he had.

“Yes. I want to stop.”

Logan looked relieved, unusual for a side who showed no emotion. “So we can go forward with the appointments?”

“I guess.”

“Okay. I’m glad. Now we must address the,” Logan took it a flash card, “figurative ‘elephant in the room.’”

“Didn’t we already do that?” Roman asked. “Then he just panicked and ran away.”

“Roman. Be nice!” Patton said.

“Well it’s the truth.”

“Roman is right.” Logan agreed, “It is the truth, but there surely was a nicer way to put it. But Virgil, we all know that you have haphephobia, there’s no need to hide it anymore.”

“Fine.” Virgil retorted, “I won’t hide it. But what are you going to do about it. You can’t touch me without my consent.”

“You’re right, but how did you develop haphephobia?”

“I didn’t exactly have a choice.”

“Falsehood. You always have a choice.”

“Well then I choose to keep my life the way it is, thank you! I don’t want you all prying! And no, I didn’t have a choice, no one ever touched me.” He snarled.

“That’s not healthy. Virgil, your lifestyle is highly unhealthy, both physically and mentally.”

“I don’t care!”

“Kiddo.” Patton said, “You can’t keep going on like this.”

“Yes I can! And I will!” Virgil yelled.

“But, we want to help you! We want you to be happy.”

“I would be perfectly happy if you kept your nose out of my business!” Virgil could see the hurt look on Patton's face, but he was on a roll, “Why can’t you just keep to yourselves and not bother me! You were perfectly fine doing it before! And now you seem all buddy-buddy. But that’s not how it works! You can’t just expect me to be okay if you do this!”

Patton opened his mouth to say something, but Virgil had had enough.

“Just leave me alone now! YOU’RE NOT HELPING ANYONE! FOR A SIDE WHO STRIVES TO BE NICE, YOU’RE SURE MAKING MY DAY A WHOLE LOT WORSE!”

Virgil whipped around and dashed back up the stairs, ignoring the gasps of shock from behind him. He was in a rage and seeing red. He slammed his door so hard it shook the house. (Mindscape?)

He stormed across his room and flopped down on his bed. Why did they have to go and intrude upon his personal business like that!? He was perfectly fine before. Maybe he wasn’t perfect, but he was okay. And no one can be perfect anyway!

God, why did they even care about him anyway? He wasn’t that special, and they never cared about him before. Well… maybe Patton did.

Patton.

Virgil’s blood ran cold.

Had he really said all those things?! Holy shit.

He fucked up.

He fucked up bad.

The anger turned to fear as Virgil leaped up and pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear something. But he had made his walls soundproof so that he could play MCR on full volume at three am. So he couldn’t hear anything.

Curse himself!

Why would he ever say something like that to /Patton/?! Patton was the sweetest side there was, and now he probably made him cry.

Great.

Virgil was /such/ a good person.

Fuck it.

He needed some sort of relief.

Logan was so naive, why would Virgil only have one blade?

Virgil ran to the bathroom, reached under the sink and pulled out another small box. Logan couldn’t stop him this time!

He tore off the covering of the blue box, inside was the smallest blade he owned. Dark thoughts swept through his brain. He didn’t realize he was crying until he saw several tears splatter the tile by his knees.

His vision was blurry as he gripped the blade and brought it to his arm. Squeezing his eyes shut, Virgil swiftly cut across his wrist.

He didn’t feel anything. Looking down he saw blood dripping off his hand, but there was no pain.

He closed his eyes and cut again. Still no pain.

Virgil ran the blade across his skin again and again. But he would never feel anything. He finally stopped, chest heaving and looked down at his arms.

He was shocked to find scarlet blood streaming from his arms and staining the floor. He realized too late that he had gone too far.

Gazing around the room in horror he started to feel lightheaded. He rose to his feet shakily and took a step. All he could think about was running to get help.

But he couldn’t seem to move his limbs any further. The last thing he saw before he passed out was the floor rushing up to meet him.


	2. Through Thick or Thin P2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> P2 of Through Thick or Thin

Virgil’s eyes flicked open, and he immediately closed them again.

There was a blinding white light hanging over him. This time when he opened his eyes, he made sure to let them adjust to the brightness.

When he could finally see again, he found that it wasn’t a light, but a whole space of blank white. He peered around, there was nothing around him for what seemed like miles. It was just a blank white canvas, almost like the pages of a book.

Virgil sat up and remembered why he was asleep in the first place. He looked down at his arm.

But there wasn’t anything there. No cuts, no bruises. Not even any bandages.

Virgil’s forehand creased, what had happened to him? Where was he?

He got to his feet and started walking, not sure what else to do. Was he dreaming? Was he awake? Was there any way to get out of this place?

Virgil heard footsteps behind him and he whirled around, bracing for an attack. But none came, instead he found Roman.

“Oh thank god!” Virgil said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Is this the Imagination? Do you know how to get out?”

Roman didn’t respond. He didn’t even give any indication of hearing Virgil at all. He just continued to stare ahead, unblinking.

It was quite unnerving actually, and Virgil waved a hand in front of his face. But the Prince didn’t react.

“Roman, I swear, if this is one of your pranks I-”

Suddenly Roman turned around and started to walk away. Virgil, confused, followed him. “Is this the way out?” He asked, catching up to Roman.

Again Roman didn’t react. So Virgil just shrugged and fell in step beside him.

Then Roman stopped, Virgil walked right past him but halted. “What?”

This time Roman seemed to hear him. “Goodbye Virgil.”

“Wait what?” Virgil asked as Roman turned and started to walk away. “Hold up! Where are you going?”

Roman’s footsteps sped up, and Virgil had to jog to keep up with him. “Roman wait! Show me the way out!”

The faster Virgil ran, the further the prince got, until he dissolved into white mist and Virgil was left panting, confused and hurt.

Why had Roman left him? Where did he go?

“Virgil?” A voice asked.

Virgil turned to find Logan looking at him. “Oh thank god! Logan do you know the way out of here? Roman just left it was weird.”

Logan gave a tight nod, “This way.” He started to walk in the opposite direction Roman had. Virgil’s brow creased, what the hell was happening.

The two of them walked on for several minutes. Just as Virgil was about to ask where they were going Logan spoke up.

“This is where we must part. Goodbye Virgil.”

“Holy fuck. Wait what? But I thought-”

Then Logan was gone, he just seemed to vanish. “Logan wait!” Virgil yelled, grouping around the space for any sign of the logical side. “You said you would help me! What do I do? Logan tell me!”

Logan left him too? No he couldn’t! Vigil needed him. How else was he supposed to make it through this empty white space.

“He's gone.” Whispered a voice in Virgil’s ear.

He shook his head violently. “No! No he can’t be gone. He’s Logan, he’s always here, he's a constant that I need!”

Virgil felt a cold hand clasp his, Virgil turned to see Patton standing beside him. “But I'll always be here kiddo, I'll help you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Virgil sighed, but stiffened when he noticed Patton smiling at him. No it wasn’t the fact that he was smiling that was unsettling, it was that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Like he didn’t really mean it, but Patton always meant what he said, so it must just be Virgil’s mind playing tricks on him.

Patton squeezed his hand in a comforting manner and started to lead Virgil in yet another direction. Virgil felt safe again, now that he was close to the most loving person he knew. The only weird thing was that Patton’s hands were ice cold, but you know what they say: ‘Cold hands, warm heart.’

Then, for the third time, Virgil is stopped. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Patton smiled at him, “Of course kiddo! But I'd be even better if you weren’t here.”

Virgil blinked in surprise, “Wh-what? Patton are you…”

He trailed off as Patton’s smile turned cold. He dropped Virgil’s hand and started to walk away.

“Wait but Patton! You can’t go! I need you!” Virgil could feel tears forming in his eyes as Patton slipped away from him.

“Patton please! Please come back! I need you! You said you’d be there, YOU SAID YOU’D HELP!”

As Patton got further and further away from him, Virgil dropped to his knees. “Please…” he whispered, “Don’t leave me…”

Virgil broke down, sobbing into his hands. He didn’t know why it hurt so much, he always knew that the others didn’t need him, that they’d leave eventually. He’s spent weeks and weeks preparing for it, but it was so, so, so much worse then he had imagined.

As Virgil cried, he heard a small rustle beside him. He snapped his head up to find the others looking down at him.

For a minute his heart was filled with joy. They had come back!

That’s when he noticed their eyes.

They were an uncanny black. Dark, but glowing. Virgil stood up and slowly backed away from them.

“Are-are you guys okay?” He asked.

They didn’t respond, but started to walk towards him slowly. The same smile cold Patton had was now covering all of their faces.

“Guys?”

“I’ll always be here kiddo.”

Patton’s voice echoed around the empty space, piercing Virgil’s ears.

“Virgil, you're very helpful.”

Logan's voice was as sweet as honey, and Virgil backed away even further.

“Thomas needs you.”

Virgil flicked his gaze to Roman, the prince’s expression was just the same as the other’s. And he was being nice.

“You’re helpful.

“Thomas needs you.”

“I’ll always be there kiddo.”

“Thomas needs you.”

Virgil covered his ears, trying to block out their voices. He couldn’t bare to listen to them anymore.

“You’re helpful.”

“Thomas needs you.”

“I’ll be there.”

“You’re helpful.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Stop!” Virgi, shouted at them, “Stop telling me these lies!”

“Thomas needs you.”

“You're helpful.”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be there.”

“THEY’RE LIES!” Virgil yelled. “ALL LIES!”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be there.”

… 

Virgil’s eyes snapped open. He was clutching his bedspread and his heart was beating the fastest it had ever before. His breathing was uneven and the bedsheets were damp with sweat.

He gazed wildly around the space he was in, relieved to find he was back in his room. Letting out a breath he flopped back down.

When his head hit the pillow of his bed, Virgil heard something crinkle. He reached a hand under his head to find a piece of apparel on his pillow.

Not just any piece of paper, but a letter.

Virgil opened it to find three paragraphs. The first one was from Roman.

‘Hey Virge, I know I haven't exactly been the nicest, most welcoming side when you first got here. But I want you to know that I'm trying… and I'll keep trying. And hey, if you ever need to relieve some stress, I can let you into the Imagination so you can battle the Dragon Witch from IT’s side. Trust me, it helps.’

Virgil felt the corner of his mouth twitch slightly, Roman /was/ helping… in his own unique way.

The next part was from Logan.

‘Virgil,

I would like to take my portion of this letter to apologize. I didn’t realize until it was too late that we were going about things the wrong way. Or more specifically, me. I was forcing you to tell me things and to go to therapy when you didn’t want to. I should have let you make your own decisions in your own time. It was rude of me to barge in and change things that you have known all your life. I wasn’t thinking logically. And for that I am sorry. I hope that when you are ready, you will open up to us.’

Virgil was surprised that Logan had apologized. He never did that, he never admitted that he had made a mistake, let alone said sorry for it.

The last part was from Patton.

‘Hey kiddo.

I know that you didn't hear this too often when you were with Deceit and Roman’s brother and the other one, so… I love you. And I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. I know you didn't mean those things you said, so don’t worry about it, we were the ones pushing you after all.

Please rest up, it must have been a rough night with those bandages.’

Upon seeing the word ‘bandages’, Virgil looked down at his arms, and was surprised to see they were wrapped in gauze. He hadn’t noticed… and maybe that’s because they were bandaged under his sweater all too often.

Virgil glanced back down at the letter and ran his fingers over the three words that he almost never heard.

‘I love you.’

Goddamnit! Patton loved him, even after all the shit Virgil had said!

How?

How? He didn’t think anyone could love him, let alone after he said such awful things.

Virgil could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks and dropping onto the paper. He crushed it in his hand, frustrated with himself.

Why was he such a mess?

That night Virgil cried himself to sleep. Although he never got much of it, the same nightmare from before stalked him through his slumber.

Although, he did wonder about one thing: every time Patton took his hand in the dream… he never felt the tingly feeling.

… 

Virgil woke for the third time breaking out in a cold sweat and shaking.

The nightmare just wouldn’t go away.

They kept coming back night after night, and Virgil couldn’t take it anymore. It was torture, watching his friends walk away from him, and knowing that it might just be real.

After several nights of the same thing, Virgil decided that he needed to be sure that the nightmares were fake. He slid out of bed and walked over to his door, not even bothering to change.

He put a hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly, bracing himself for the worst. He pulled the door open and walked down the stairs to find an empty dark living room. Confused Virgil glanced at the clock.

It was one am.

That made sense, the others must all be asleep. Sighing Virgil turned to walk back up the stairs, mentally surrendering to another long night.

“Virgil?”

Virgil spun around to see Patton standing in the doorway to the kitchen, cookie in hand.

The anxious side froze as Patton walked toward him.

But Patton stopped almost as soon as he started, seeming to remember something. “Hey.” He said, taking a small bite of the cookie.

“Hey.” Virgil said quietly, looking down at his feet. He took a deep breath, “Look Patton, I’m sorry. I-I said so many mean things, I feel bad and-”

“Shhh. Virgil, it’s okay… I know you didn’t mean them. I love you kiddo.”

Virgil lifted his head to find Patton looking at him warmly.

Then something happened. Something that Virgil never expected he would do. Something that he had never done before. Something that was so new and scary, but exciting. (Something that was the entire plot of the story, just took far too long to get to.)

He ran toward Patton… and hugged him.

Virgil couldn’t take it anymore. He was touch starved and sleep deprived, he needed some kind of comfort. So his body just acted on it’s own, Virgil never made the conscious decision to hug Patton; it kind of just… happened.

And oh, Virgil was glad it did.

The hug felt nothing like the minor touches the others had given him before, there was a tingly feeling at first, but it seemed to disappear. In fact, all the other tingling places on Virgil’s body melted away.

No, the hug wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good either.

It was amazing.

Hugging Patton felt wonderful, like he was warm and safe and loved. All the things Virgil had ever wanted.

Virgil buried his head into the crook of Patton’s neck and he could feel his eyes welling up. Patton wrapped his arms around Virgil’s middle and squeezed his tight.

Then there was a crash from the stairs and Virgil looked up to see Roman and Logan staring at them in shock.

Virgil let go of Patton and stepped back. The two walked down the stairs until they were all standing in the middle of the living room. The tension could be cut by a knife.

“Let-lets sit down.” Patton stammered, sitting down on the couch.

Everyone followed suit, not knowing what else to do.

“So.” Logan started, “Will you tell us what possessed you to hug Patton?”

Virgil blinked rapidly, he had not anticipated that question. “I don’t know.” He mumbled, “It kinda just happened. I didn’t choose to.”

Logan nodded, like he understood what Virgil was saying. “I thought that might happen. What finally led to you coming out of your room? You don’t have to tell us, if you want to tell Dr. Picani you can too.”

Virgil contemplated for a moment before shaking his head, he might trust them, but he wasn’t ready to share everything. “I’d rather tell Emile. And Logan…I appreciate you letting me make my own decision.”

Logan gave him a small, somewhat sad, smile. “Okay. We’ll respect your choice. Is there anything else you want to talk about.”

Virgil shook his head, looking down at his hands. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Okay… we kinda have a confession to make.” Roman said.

The anxious side looked back up.

Roman exchanged a glance with Logan, “So, you know that time Deceit came over to this side of the mind? Well, we were kinda asking him if you you guys ever hugged before.”

“Yeah, I picked that up.”

“Okay. Well, we’re glad that you finally got over your haphephobia, and on your own too.”

Everyone was silent for several minutes, it was an incredibly awkward experience. Now that Virgil had finally felt what a hug was like, he wanted another one.

But he just didn’t know how to ask for one.

Luckily he didn’t need to. Patton had something to say,

“Virgil kiddo, I just want you to know that every time you want a hug, or comfort, you can have it.” Patton was smiling at him, and this time it reached his eyes. “We love you kiddo.”

Virgil‘s face broke into a small smile, “I love you guys too. And, yes… can I um- can I have another hug?”

Patton’s smile brightened, “Of course!!! You two get in here too.” He pulled Virgil into a hug. Virgil smiled for real this time.

Logan rolled his eyes and Roman sighed, but they leaned in and wrapped their arms around Virgil as well.

The anxious side’s heart felt like it was filled with light, and his cheeks hurt from smiling too much. It just felt so good. To finally know that he wasn’t alone. That people loved him. And that they would support him no matter what. 

Through thick or thin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/kudos/constructive criticism is always welcome! Have a good day!
> 
> And happy birthday to a very cool friend of mine, Duckgirl999. (I hope this is a good birthday present.) Go check her out, she’s got some pretty amazing Sanders Sides stories.


	3. OS: Foiled Yet Again (Intrulogical)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some crazy 12:00 am antics for you! Logan foiling yet another one of Remus’ plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hesitant to post this chapter, but here we are... 
> 
> Yeah, good luck.

Remus snuck around the corner, peering into the ‘light side’s’ common room. He glanced above his head to see the buckets of paint rigged on the ceiling.

He was in position. All he needed now was to wait for the clock to hit midnight. He glanced at his watch to find that he had thirty seconds left.

Perfect.

Remus crouched behind the staircase and waited or the grandfather clock to change.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

His signature tune blasted through the commons. He heard a crash and a bang above him and smiled gleefully, ready for the ‘light sides’ to come down the stairs.

Remus snickered and raised a finger, ready to release the paints.

“What’cha doing there Remus?”

Remus jumped up, spun around, and came face to face with Logan.

“Oh… heyyyyyy Logan.”

“What are you doing with that button?”

“Oh nothing!” Remus lied, slipping the button behind his back. “Just jamming out to my tune.” He bobbed his head in time to the music, trying to look convincing.

“Really? Is that all?” Logan asked, walking closer.

Remus could feel a blush rising in his cheeks. “Yup. I’m just a cool dude down here at midnight, waking everyone up and just being cool.”

“Oh, so you’re not planning anything?” Logan came even closer.

“Nope. Not me, I’m completely innocent!” Remus’ back was pressed against the wall now, the button digging uncomfortably into his shoulder blade.

“So there’s no prank? There’s no paint bucket over my head right now?” Logan's face was too close to his, and Remus did anything he could to avoid eye contact.

“Yup. No prank! None at all…” Remus’s heart was beating too fast for his liking.

“Are you sure? I’m not going to get covered in slime again right?” Logan asked, voice lowering.

“Right…” Remus breathed, eyes flicking down to Logan’s lips. “No slime…”

He saw Logan smile smugly. “I’m glad, because it would be a shame if you were trying to prank me and you failed...” He rested a hand on the wall next to Remus’ head. “Again.”

“Yeah… yeah it would be… god Logan…” His knees felt weak as Logan’s face got closer and closer. “Just kiss me already… fuck…”

Logan leaned down, breath ghosting Remus’ lips. “What is this? The fourth time I caught you? You really need to step up your game.”

Then he leaned in all the way and connected their lips. Remus sighed into the kiss, his grip loosening on the button. He didn’t even notice as Logan slipped a hand behind his back and slowly pulled the button out of his grasp.

Then he pulled back. “Better luck next time babe.” Logan whispered, holding up the button and winking.

Remus’ pupils dilated.

There was a thump as Roman, Patton and Virgil all came down the stairs.

“What’s happening?” Patton asked, confused.

“Don’t worry.” Logan said, turning toward them, “It’s taken care of.”

With a final smirk back at his boyfriend, the logical side disappeared up the stairs.


	4. OS: Tightrope (Mociet) P1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton invites Janus to breakfast, the truth about Roman is revealed and Virgil storms off. Janus and Patton are left to talk, and Janus doesn’t really know how to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! So, this oneshot includes a little head cannon of my own. I’m honestly kinda proud of it, (although I’m sure someone else has thought of it.)
> 
> There I was at 2am, sitting in my bed eating hot Cheetos and binging Sanders Sides, and then I come to the episode with Patton’s room. I see the little floaty things again and a thought just pops into my brain:
> 
> What if those little sun thingys are actually memories? 
> 
> And that was my inspiration for this story!
> 
> Anyway enjoy!
> 
> TW: Eisoptrophobia, (fear of mirrors)

Janus could hear his alarm clock going off, but he just ignored it. He didn’t feel like getting up today, and if you ignore something long enough it’ll eventually shut up. Like Remus.

Or his feelings. (But let's not get into that right now.)

Janus rolled over and shoved his head under the pillow, attempting to block out the harsh noises. Accept for some reason, today he couldn’t.

Sighing, Janus sat up and hit his clock several times until it finally fell off his bedside table. But the beeping didn’t stop. And now it was under the bed.

He groaned and rolled off his bed, grouping around until he found the source of the noise. He hit it again and it fell silent.

Then Janus realized that he could have just imagined it away.

This was just a /great/ start to the day.

He stood up and walked to his bathroom to change. Now, his bathroom was a rather peculiar sight. Most of it was normal, but the one difference that changed everything was the fact that it didn’t have a mirror.

One half of Janus’ face was human, the other were scales. And for that reason, not only did Janus hate to look at his own reflection, he was scared of it.

See, he had developed eisoptrophobia, (or the irrational fear of mirrors and seeing oneself in them), at a very young age. So that caused him to smash all of the mirrors in the ‘dark side’ of the Mindscape.

No one really minded, although Virgil still kept one small mirror in his room for his makeup. (Not that it really helped. I mean, did you see how messy it was before?)

Anyway, Janus had been careful to stay away from all mirrors for as long as he had been in existence. He sometimes saw his reflection in a piece of scrap metal when Remus was crafting, or when he was making dinner and he saw himself in a spoon, but he was usually able to deal with it. Hiding in his room for a couple of hours until he finally was able to compose himself.

Remus and the other one were understanding, and every time he would hide for several days, they would know what was up. And although Janus would never admit it out loud, he really appreciated it.

“Oohhhhhhhhhh Jannyyyyyyyyyy.”

Here we go. What was Remus doing up at this hour? He usually slept in until one in the afternoon.

Janus left the bathroom to find Remus poking his head through the door (literally).

“Patton invited you to breakfast today!” He said.

“Both of us?”

“Nah just you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe to get you in bed.” Remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Remus, must you make everything sexual?”

“Yes! It’s what I do best! Well… actually… I probably bottom the best, but making everything sexual comes in second.”

Janus knew better than to let Remus’ comment surprise him. It honestly didn’t, Remus was an unusual one.

Janus was about to shoo him out of the room, then stopped. “Why didn’t he invite you?”

“Uuhhhh, cause I’m /me/ dumbass.”

“True.” Janus mumbled, “Does it hurt you? That they accept me and not you?”

“Pfftt no! I don’t need to be one of them to be cool.”

He was lying. Or, particularly lying. But Janus let it slide, sometimes people had a reason to keep a secret. Janus only tried to expose the ones that needed to be, especially for Thomas. And he tended to be hesitant in revealing things to his host, Thomas had a very fragile mental health, and Janus didn’t want to be the one to throw it out of balance by telling him something he didn’t want to know about himself.

“Tell Patton that I’m /not/ coming.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “You really want to have breakfast with those dweebs? Alright I guess. Not sure they like you though.”

Remus pulled his head back through the door, and Janus could tell that he was jealous.

… 

Janus fiddled with his gloves outside the ‘light side’ kitchen door.

Why had he thought this was a good idea? He had forgotten that his fang came out when he ate.

Great.

He couldn’t exactly go back on his plans.

“Janus?”

Janus spun around. Virgil was standing behind him with his hood up and his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Virgil.” Janus said stiffly.

The anxious side glared at him, “What are you doing here?”

“Believe it or not, Patton has invited me to breakfast.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes, “I /don’t/ believe it.”

“I actually did Virge.”

Janus turned around again to see Patton standing at the entrance to the kitchen. His heart gave a tiny flutter, which he immediately stifled.

“I just thought it was a good idea.” He mumbled, after seeing Virgil’s angry look.

“Well it wasn’t!”

Janus pursed his lips. “Virgil’s /very/ right. It was a /terrible/ idea to invite me. It’s not like I want to be treated with respect like the rest of you.”

Knowing that neither of them could come back from that, and Janus couldn’t resist casting Virgil a smug look before walking into the kitchen. He heard Patton trying to convince Virgil that it was okay, but Janus knew that his former friend wouldn’t listen. The scars ran too deep for that.

As he walked through the door, Janus spotted Logan sitting at the table reading. He barely looked up when he said, “Good morning Janus, I assume that Patton has invited you for breakfast.”

Out of any of the sides, Logan was probably the one that Janus could have an actual intelligent conversation with.

“No he did not.”

Logan nodded, still not looking up from his book. “Well, we’re having pancakes today.”

Janus sat, somewhat awkwardly, on an open chair. When Patton and Virgil came back in, he could see that whatever Patton had said, hadn’t changed the emo’s mind. But he hoped that Virgil would be somewhat civil to him.

Everyone was silent as Patton put the pancakes and syrup on the table. It was a tense atmosphere.

Then Janus realized, “Where’s Roman?”

The others all exchanged a glance. Patton fiddled with his cardigan, “He’s in the Imagination. We haven't seen him in a couple of days, cause none of us can get in there. I’m really worried. I don’t know if he's eaten anything.”

Janus nodded slowly, “It’s because of me isn’t it?”

“Well I’m sure it’s not-”

“What did you do?”

Janus glanced over at Virgil who looked livid, his jaw locked.

“Virgil he didn’t-”

Janus held up a hand, “Patton please. If Virgil wants to know he can… I can’t recall exactly what I said, but I compared Roman to his brother after he insulted my name.”

Virgil’s eyes widened and seemed to smolder. His spoon clattered to the ground and he stood up angrily. “You absolute bitch!” He hissed, before storming out of the kitchen and slamming the door behind him.

Patton stood to go after him, but Logan put a hand on his, eyes flicking to Janus and back again. “I got it. I need to run an idea past him anyway.”

Patton looked uneasy, but agreed with a shrug of his shoulders. As he sat back down Janus examined his face. Patton looked tired and overworked, like he was stressed over Roman and Virgil.

“You should get some sleep.” Janus commented lightly, turning back to his pancakes.

Patton’s brow creased, “Do I really look that bad?”

“No, of /course/ not.”

They were silent for a couple more minutes, until Patton broke it. “You care?” Then he slapped a hand over his mouth.

Janus looked at him carefully, weighing his answer. “I do.”

“Was- was that a lie.”

Janus looked Patton in the eye. “No, it wasn’t.”

Patton smiled softly at him, “Thanks.”

“Seriously though, you should get some sleep after you eat.”

“I will.”

The rest of breakfast was light conversation. Which was rather unusual for Janus, it was out of his comfort zone and he didn’t like that. But Patton was so easy to talk to, he even found himself smiling one time.

And when he did, Patton gasped. “Oh my gosh. Do you have a FANG!!!”

Janus snapped his mouth shut and covered it with a gloved hand. “No.” He lied.

Patton squealed and clapped his hands together. “That’s soooo cute!” He gushed.

Janus pursed his lips, trying to look annoyed, but his heart was beating faster than normal as he gazed at the morals side.

… 

It was after breakfast and Janus was walking around the ‘light side’ of the mindscape. He was just looking, and comparing it to the ‘dark side’. (He was honestly just looking for something to do.)

He figured he should try to apologize to Roman, seeing as he had been the main cause of the Prince hiding away in the Imagination.

This time as he was walking around he was looking for the Imagination. He had seen Remus’ door to it but he didn’t know what Roman’s looked like.

Janus turned a corner and saw a bright blue door with fairy lights surrounding it. It had a brass doorknob and knocker, and there were little painted butterflies all over it. He guessed it was Patton’s room.

Deciding that Patton might know where Roman’s side of the Imagination was, Janus knocked. He heard shuffling and then it opened a crack. A bright blue eye peared out, as soon as it spotted Janus it seemed to brighten.

The door opened to reveal Patton. “Hey Janus! Did you need anything? I was about to take a nap.”

“Oh.” Janus mentally facepalmed. “Yes, you should do that. I just came by to ask where Roman’s imagination door is.”

“No it’s okay. I probably wasn’t going to fall asleep anyway. Come in! I’ve shown everyone else my room, I want to show you too!”

Surprised by the sudden change of events, Janus followed him.

“Sorry if it’s a mess.” The light blue side said, trying to straighten out his bed.

Janus gazed around the room, taking in everything at once. There were so many things from Thomas’ past, Patton must hold on to everything. He walked over to a wall of Thomas’ writing and scanned over them. They were rather creative.

On the other side of his room were collections of all the trophies Thomas had won, along with all of his playbills from Broadway.

And on Patton's bed were all the stuffed animals Thomas had ever owned. Janus was surprised someone could even sleep in there.

The most noticeable thing however, were the small balls of glowing yellow light that floated around his room. Almost like tiny suns.

“So do you like it?” Patton asked, somewhat anxiously.

Janus studied his face. It seemed as if Patton actually cared about his opinion and wanted to make a good impression.

“No. I hate it.” Janus lied.

Patton’s face broke into a smile, “I’m glad! C’mere, I want to show you something that no one else knows about.”

Janus was confused, but walked over to where Patton was standing.

He pointed to the little floating suns, “See these? Do you know what they are?”

Janus shook his head.

“They’re memories.” Patton held out his hand and one of the tiny suns floated down to rest on it. “Every single one is a happy memory that Thomas has had. This one happens to be one of my favorites.”

Janus watched, fascinated, as Patton closed his hand on the tiny ball of light and opened it again.

The soft glow seemed to get bigger and bigger until it filled the entire space. Then it faded, slowly forming into an amusement park. Janus turned in a circle, eyes wide. It was almost like he was there himself. It was the middle of the night, and everything was lit up with lights. Red, purple, blue, every color you can imagine.

Janus felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned to see Patton pointing in front of them. He spotted three figures walking toward a Ferris Wheel. As their laughs reached Janus ear’s, it had an echoing effect, like he was far away down a tunnel.

Patton grabbed Janus’ hand and ran after the trio. As they got onto the Ferris Wheel, so did the two sides. It was then that Janus realized who the figures were. It was Thomas, Joan and Talyn.

Janus and Patton got into a gondola behind them, and Janus could hear the three of them laughing and joking with each other. Joan pulled a funny face and stuck up his middle finger. Talyn collapsed in a fit of giggles. Thomas whispered something to them and both of them nearly fell off the gondola from laughing.

Thomas was smiling the brightest Janus had ever seen him smile. Joan and Talyn really seemed to bring out the best of him.

“He looks so happy doesn’t he?”

Janus turned to look at Patton, who was smiling up at Thomas nostalgically and somewhat sadly.

“He does.” Janus agreed.

“Do you think it’ll ever be like that again?”

Janus had to think about it, “I think that there will always be struggles and hardships in Thomas’ life, but then there will be the happy moments too. Remember, you can only have sad moments if you have happy ones too.”

Patton looked thoughtful, “You know Janus, you’re pretty darn smart, I think you could give Logan a run for his money.”

As Patton smiled, Janus could feel a blush start to rise in his cheeks. It increased when he saw that the soft glow from the Ferris Wheel lights was framing Patton’s face in just the right way.

He felt Patton clasp his hand, “The memory is about to end.” He said, before closing his eyes.

The amusement park started to melt before Janus’ eyes, dissolving into a light mist. He watched as Patton’s room started to reappear around them. Soon all that was left of the memory was the small ball of light in Patton's other hand. Which he let float back up with the others.

Patton plopped down on his bed and rested his head on his hands, kicking his feet up behind him. “So! How’d you like it?”

Janus blinked rapidly, trying to compose himself. “Umm, I /hated/ it. It was the /worst/ thing I've /ever/ experienced.”

Patton sighed, “It’s so fun to look back at these memories, but then you just have to come back to the present. And I guess it’s just kinda sad.”

“As I'm sure Logan has said before, memories should inspire you for the future. Not hinder you.”

“Yeah, he’s said that before, and most of the time they do inspire me. But then you get those moments where it’s just so happy, and these days not so much. And I just wonder if it’ll ever go back to the way it was.”

Janus sighed as well, and sat down next to Patton. “It won’t ever go back, as much as you want to, you can’t reverse time. You can’t change things that have already happened. The best thing you can do is…”

“Try to fix them.”

Janus nodded. “It seems we both have people we need to apologize to.”

Patton sat back up. “You give good advice.” He said.

“Do I?” Janus asked, not sure what to do with the compliment.

“Yeah, I think we take you for granted sometimes.” Patton smiled at him, before leaning his head on Janus’ shoulder. “You're easy to talk to.”

Janus didn’t say anything for a long time. There was just so much to take in. For one, the compliments, he had no idea how to handle them. And two, the overwhelming feeling in his chest, was almost too much to bear.

Then there was the pure loving energy flowing off of Patton in waves. Janus was like a sponge to it. He never really had anyone to love before. And now here Patton was, leaning his head on Janus’ shoulder.

He could feel that emotion in his chest threatening to spill over, so he squashed it down the best he could.

“I can tell there’s something on your mind.” Patton mumbled, lifting his head. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Janus shook his head, the lie slipping off his tongue too easily. “I don’t.”

“Okay… just know that you don’t have to hide around me. I can tell that you're close to crying and I know that it’s unusual for you. But you can have feelings you know. I’m not going to laugh.”

Janus looked into Patton's eyes, searching them for any sign of lies, but he saw none. Then it was easy, almost too easy, to let his walls down in front of the morals side.

He let the first tear slip down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 should be up soon!


	5. SF: Tightrope P2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus finally let himself go. He knows the benefits of crying, but that doesn’t mean he heads them. But this time... this time was different.
> 
> Patton was there.

The tear slid down the scales on his face. Janus had cried before, but never in front of people. It was new to him, but Patton was just so welcoming, so loving, so accepting.

All of the things Janus had kept clutched to his chest, were coming undone. The stitches of lies and anger were unraveling. Ripping at the seems. And it was bound to all come pouring out.

He could feel more tears coming and Janus let them. He knew from extensive research that it helped to be in an accepting environment, and Patton was just that. So he let himself cry. As much as he would have liked to keep it in, it would be better to cry in the long run.

Patton opened his arms questioningly, but Janus shook his head. He didn’t think he could handle a hug at the moment.

Taking several calming breaths, he slowly pulled off his gloves, revealing a scaly, gnarled hand. His left one to be exact. Janus looked away. He expected Patton to be disgusted, or shocked, or scared. But Patton didn’t react at all. He didn’t even show any signs of being surprised.

Instead he gently took Janus’ hand in his, and kissed the back of it. “You’re beautiful Janus.” He said.

Janus’ heart stopped, and he seemed to crumble in on himself, collapsing into Patton’s arms. He cried into his shoulder, as the morals side softly combed his fingers through Janus’ hair.

“You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.” He whispered, time and time again.

Patton sat back up and cupped the human side of Janus’ face in his hands, careful to avoid his scales. “Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

Patton ran his thumb over Janus’ cheek, and he melted. His heart cried out in both pain and happiness. They stayed like that for several minutes or hours, Janus didn’t really know. But he just felt so safe with Patton, so loved. That’s all he ever really wanted.

When the tears rolling down Janus’ face finally subsided, he tried to explain. “I’m sorry. I just…”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. It’s okay to have feelings, I learned that the hard way.”

Janus slipped his gloves back on, “I suppose you want to know the full story.”

“Only if you're willing to share.”

Janus let a bitter smile slip onto his lips, “I’m sure Virgil hasn’t told you all much about the time he stayed with us. But I smashed all of the mirrors in the ‘dark side's' mindscape at a very young age. Mainly because I totally don’t have eisoptrophobia.”

Patton nodded, “That makes sense. Is it something you struggle with?”

“Yes. All the time. It’s /totally/ a big deal and you should fuss about it.”

“Okay, I’ll just make sure that you don’t go anywhere with a mirror in this part of the mindscape.”

“Thank you Patton. I really don’t appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome!” Patton said, “Hey I have an idea! Why don’t we listen to some music? It helps Virgil calm down, we should try it.”

“No. It sounds like a terrible idea.”

“Great! I have just the playlist! It’s a happy one too. I assume you like musicals?”

“I hate them. They’re the worst things in existence.”

Patton smiled and pulled out his phone, “Here we go!” He clicked on a playlist in Spotify, and music started to play through speakers in his room.

Then Patton gasped, “Janus! I haven’t heard you sing yet!”

Janus snorted, “And you never will. I don’t sing.”

“So… you do?”

“That time I was telling the truth, I don’t sing.”

“Oh come onnnnnn.” Patton whined. “We’re all part of Thomas and he’s an amazing singer! You must have an amazing voice! The Fanders heard you sing Razzle Dazzle!”

“No. That’s my final answer.”

Patton crossed his arms, “Fine, we’ll just dance then.” 

“Dance? I’m not a dancer.” Janus tried to lie convincingly this time, hoping that Patton would believe it.

“Too bad!” Patton said, “Logan said it helps relieve stress.” He held out his hand and a memory floated down into it. “I have the perfect setting!”

“Patton, what are you doing? I thought those were memories.”

“They are, but I can still freeze them. C’mon!”

Patton gripped his wrist and Janus was yet again engulfed into the blinding white light.

They appeared in a big bustling city. It was no where in Florida, Janus knew. Maybe New York? There was still that weird echoey affect that Janus found quite unsettling. And the edges of buildings looked fuzzy, like he was seeing them through an old TV.

Patton held up his hand and everything seemed to slow to a halt. Even the cars. It all just stopped. Janus looked around, the city was frozen in time.

“Patton… how did you do that? What is this place?”

“It’s pretty easy to stop a memory, all I have to do is relax and focus on quieting my mind. And this is where Thomas went as a little kid once, his parents brought him to New York City, and they saw a tightrope performer.” Patton pointed, “See that? That’s what she used. And… I’ve been watching her routine, kinda practicing it and stuff.”

Patton lowered his head and looked at his feet, “I’ve been practicing to a song… and I just perfected it… so I kinda wanted to show someone.”

Janus couldn’t help but smile a little. “So that’s why you wanted to dance.”

Patton nodded sheepishly, “Sorry, it’s just something that’s been on my mind recently. And it’s helped me work through some things and it might help you.”

Janus had to admire Patton’s courage and willingness to help him. “I /totally/ want to learn the routine, but I’ll watch you.”

Patton’s face lit up, “You will! That’s great! Sorry I’m so excited, it’s just that everybody else is so busy all the time. No one has time when I ask them to watch something. So yeah, sorry for wasting yours.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. It’s obviously something you're really passionate about, so go ahead I suppose.”

“Okay.”

They stood there staring at each other for an awkward amount of time. Janus cleared his throat, “You were going to show me the routine?”

“Oh yes, sorry. Hang on, I need to change.”

“Should I turn around?.”

“No need.” Patton said, snapping his fingers. With a whirl of colors his outfit changed from his normal one, to a blue crop top, a brown skirt and tights.

Janus' jaw almost dropped. His brain seemed to short circuit for a second. Patton didn’t notice.

Instead he snapped his fingers again and suddenly both he and Janus were up on the rooftops.

Janus looked around. Thomas was afraid of heights, and standing on a rooftop in New York would probably just infancy that fear. So this was a view Janus never expected to see, well, unless Thomas decided to commit suicide in New York.

Nonetheless it was breathtaking.

Janus heard music turn on behind him, he glanced around to see Patton standing a rope strung between two rooftops.

‘Some people long for a life that is simple and planned,  
Tied with a ribbon,’

Patton walked lightly out to the middle of the rope. He was so graceful, it was almost as if he was floating.

‘Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land,  
To follow what's written.’

Up on his tip-toes Patton spun slowly in a circle. Janus watched his movements scared that he might fall. He rose up on one leg and hopped to the other one, spinning around.

‘But I'd follow you to the great unknown,  
Off to a world we call our own…’

Patton smiled back at him sweetly, and Janus’ heart fluttered in his chest.

‘Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go.’

Then he jumped off.

‘We're walking the tightrope,  
High in the sky,  
We can see the whole world down below,  
We're walking the tightrope.”

Just as Janus was about to scream, Patton caught himself with a hand.

‘Never sure, never know how far we could fall,  
But it's all an adventure,  
That comes with a breathtaking view.’

He swung his ankle over the rope and sat up, dangling his legs over the edge.

‘Walking the tightrope,  
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,  
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,  
With you.’

Patton smirked back at Janus like he knew that he had almost given the yellow clad side a heart attack.

‘Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between,  
Desert and ocean…’

He stood up and walked to the center again, sweeping his legs low with every step.

‘You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream,  
Always in motion,  
So I risk it all just to be with you,  
And I risk it all for this life we choose.’

Once he was in the middle again, Patton layed down, his back balancing on the rope.

‘Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go,  
We're walking the tightrope,  
High in the sky,  
We can see the whole world down below,  
We're walking the tightrope.’

Then Patton laced his arms around the rope and spun. Janus was surprised that he wasn’t dizzy. Patton swung back around, jumped up and landed on his feet. Then he jumped again and spun in midair. Janus had never seen anything more impressive.

‘Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?’

This time when Patton jumped Janus was sure that he’d catch himself. He wasn’t going to be tricked again.

But Patton didn’t catch himself.

He just kept falling.

Janus acted immediately, snapping his fingers he ended up on the street right under where Patton was spiraling to the ground.

Holding out his arms, Janus caught the morals side.

‘Well, it's all an adventure,  
That comes with a breathtaking view,  
Walking the tightrope.’

Patton sang the next parts of the song. Hopping out of Janus’s arms and taking his hand, he snapped his fingers and suddenly they were both on the tightrope.

‘With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,  
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.’

Janus’ first instinct was to freeze up and not look down. But Patton was holding his hand and gently leading him across the rope. And for some reason his presence seemed to calm Janus.

‘With you,  
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.’

There seemed to be an invisible force keeping Janus from falling, and it had a strange warmth to it. He looked back up at Patton, who was smiling gently at him.

And that’s when he knew.

‘With you, ooh-ooh-ooh,  
With you.’

The night wind whipped around them, and somewhere in Janus’ mind he wondered how because the memory was paused. But mostly the lying side was shocked, mesmerized and somewhat charmed.

“That was amazing.” Janus whispered, completely forgetting to keep up his persona.

Patton giggled and smiled. “Thanks! Here let's go back.”

The same thing happened as before, the memory melted, and was replaced by Patton's room.

When the memory faded completely, Patton snapped his fingers and his outfit changed back again.

“So!” He said, “How’d you like it?”

Janus quickly regained his poster. He brushed invisible lint off his glove and said, “I suppose it was rather impressive.”

Patton grinned, “Yay! Thanks for that Janus, it’s just something I was excited about.”

Janus waved him off, “It wasn’t a problem. Actually it was enjoyable.”

His heart started to beat faster and faster as Patton’s smile got brighter.

That’s when he was suddenly aware of how close he was to the morals side. The human side of Janus’ face turned red.

“Hey Janus?”

“Yes?”

Patton looked down at his feet and scratched the back of his head, “Can I- well- you see… I didn't want to ask before cause it’s kinda weird and I know it doesn't exactly make you feel comfortable. And I know you don’t trust me and-”

Janus knew exactly what he was trying to say. He didn’t think when he grabbed Patton’s hand and pressed it to the snake side of his face.

Patton gasped, and Janus looked at him evenly, “I do trust you Patton.”

Then Janus realized what he had done and he almost panicked. Patton’s hand felt rigid on his face, and Janus waited for him to pull it away in disgust. He braced himself for the inevitable fearful look that he would get.

But it never came.

Instead Patton lightly ran his thumb up and down Janus’ scales. There was no resentment or distrust in his eyes, only curiosity and… affection?

Janus instinctively leaned into his touch, closing his eyes and sighing. Patton’s hand was gentle and warm, and for the first time in years, he felt normal. Like he wasn’t a freak. Like he was human.

When the lying side opened his eyes again, he found that Patton’s face was a lot closer than before. Janus’ breath hitched and his heart jumped to his throat.

Damnit.

He couldn't ignore his feelings anymore. They were too obvious. Janus usually found everything easy to deny, but when it came to his emotions it was a whole shitload harder.

He had known somewhere deep down that he liked Patton, but he just never acknowledged it. 

He never let himself feel.

But that was going to change now. He was going to let himself feel.

So when Patton leaned in closer and closer, Janus did too.

“Is this okay?” Patton asked softly.

He gave a small nod. Patton leaned in the rest of the way, pressing his lips to Janus’. And god was it amazing. As their lips moved together, Janus’ mind focused on nothing but the morals side. Patton was so soft, like a big teddy bear. But he was also firm. Almost like he was trying to convince Janus of how beautiful he actually was.

He gasped softly as Patton cupped his face, still running his thumb over Janus’ scales. Janus could feel the tears coming, but he didn’t exactly know why. It just happened, and he was okay with that. He was okay with letting himself have feelings.

He was okay with letting himself love Patton.

Because Patton made him feel like he was loved, like he was human, like he was enough.

When they finally pulled away, Janus saw that Patton was also crying. Both of them said nothing, just embraced each other.

And Janus knew that it’d all be okay as long as he was with Patton. He would apologize to Roman, make up with Virgil, and help Remus be accepted as well.

It would all be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I don’t normally write Mociet Fics, but I just had a burst of inspiration this time. But I am new to this, so please feel free to yell at me if I got the dynamic completely wrong.


	6. SF: What The Heck I gotta Do?! (Prinxiety)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is starring in yet another musical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY SANDERS SIDES ANNIVERSARY!!!

Logan opened his book and faced the audience, “The plan was called "Operation D-Minus. And one of the schools included in the plan was Sanders Community High School where a kid named Roman Prince-”

Roman stood from his chair, “That’s me!”

Everyone on stage slowly turned their heads to look at him. Logan rolled his eyes and turned back to his book. “An eighteen-year-old honor roll student-”

“I get straight A’s man!”

Logan slammed his book on the table and glared, Roman slowly sat back down. The crowd laughed.

“-was in the last semester of his senior year. Roman could hardly believe his luck when a very pretty boy showed up.”

The students popped out from behind the sets. “Virgil!”

“In not one, but two of his classes.”

“Virgilllll.”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “He sat in front of him. He switched seats.”

Roman pushed the kid next to Virgil out of their seat and sat down there instead. “The last name he used was: Storm.”

Patton came up behind Roman and tapped his shoulder. “Roman? What drew you to Virgil initially?”

Roman sighed, and placed a hand on his cheek. “Man, he used to fall asleep in class. He was a light-skinneded Puerto Rican-Dominican, long hair, mature and a body like whoa. That's not the only reason I liked him, though, he said he moved with his mother to Florida from New York! Where dreams are made!

“Well, so did I. So I said ‘hi’.”

Roman stood up and put his hands on Patton’s shoulders. Patton stepped back, surprised. “He seemed mature, and I talked more.” He lifted a hand and fanned it out over the audience, a starry look in his eyes. “And I was like, what the heck I gotta do to be with you? What the heck I gotta do to be with you? Who do I have to be for you to be with me?”

Roman dropped back into his seat. Patton sat down next to him, “And you told him all this in class?”

“Yeah!” Roman paused, “Well I texted him.”

The crowd laughed as Roman pulled out his phone.

“Y'know, I was like, ‘what the heck I gotta do to be with you?’”

The students popped out again, “L-O-L-O-L-O-L.”

“What the heck I gotta do to be with you?”

“R-O-F-L-O-L.”

“Who do I have to be for you to be with me?”

Virgil pulled out his phone, snickered and clicked on the screen. “Smiley face.”

“YES!” Roman jumped up, “Next thing you know, we're texting day and night  
I trust him right away.”

Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “See, that’s where you went wrong.” He mumbled.

Roman ignored him and turned to Patton, “Hey, yo, I never met anyone like him, bro. Yo, he listens to all my problems. I let him copy all my homework!”

He spun and walked toward Virgil. “And then I lay it all on the line. And he was like:”

Virgil shrugged, “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Roman looked back at Patton, “Well… he didn’t say no exactly…I don’t know.”

“No!” Patton gasped, pulling Roman back down.

“Yeah I was surprised, I’m a pretty great guy.” He put a leg up on his desk and flexed. Logan slammed his head down on his own table, “God. Why me?”

“So I decided to step my game up.” Roman jumped up on top of his desk, and placed his hands on his hips. “It's too late to be shy. And so I got in front of the whole class one day, and serenaded him!”

He jumped down in front of Virgil and pulled out a fake ukulele, “I was like, what the heck I gotta do to be with you?”

The students popped out again, “(What the heck I gotta do?)”

“What the heck I gotta do to be with you?”

“(What the heck I gotta do?)”

“Who do I have to be for you to go to prom with me?”

Logan looked up, dumbfounded, “You asked him to the prom?”

“Yeah! I danced and everything!” Roman said, throwing the ukulele over his shoulder. It hit a poor student in the head.

“Virgil! I know there's a reason you were transferred here to me!” Roman gripped Virgil’s hand and pulled him up out of his seat.

“Virgil! I know there's a reason this isn't luck, it's destiny!” Virgil laughed at the look Roman was giving him, it was adorable.

“Virgil! You know me! Will you go to prom with me?”

Virgil smirked, “I’ll think about it.” Then he sat back down and continued on his work.

Roman’s eyes widened, “He said he’ll think about it!”

He danced over to Patton and started to spin him around. “He’ll think about it!”

Patton giggled, “He’ll think about it!”

The students popped out again, “He’ll think about it!”

Roman jumped up on Logan’s table, “He’ll think about it!”

“He’ll think about it!”

“YES!”

Roman did a final fist pump as the curtains closed. When the last gap of light faded he jumped down from the desk. Turning to the student he had hit in the head he said, “Holy shit. I’m so sorry Thomas! I didn’t realize you were behind me!”

Thomas groaned and rubbed his head, “Nah, you’re good Roman. I know you didn’t mean to, accidents happen, and that’s showbiz.”

Roman gave a relieved nod, it was time to get ready for the next scene. He started to walk off stage right, but just before he could, someone grabbed his sleeve. He looked behind him, just in time to see Virgil pull him up by the collar and kiss him.

Roman’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, what the hell?!

When Virgil pulled back, he winked. “See you in the next scene cutie.” Then he walked off.

Roman stood there blinking for what felt like an eternity, he only moved when he heard the stage manager yelling at him to get ready.

Holy fuck that was awesome.


	7. SF: The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is fed up with everyone’s shit. So is Remus. So when Remus shows up his brothers room, Roman is so sleep deprived he considers his brother’s offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is just a little song fic that I wrote a while ago. It it platonic brotherly love, don’t worry.

Roman was sitting at his desk working on a new video idea. Well supposedly working.

He wasn’t really. He was just scribbling on a piece of paper. His mind as empty as his stomach.

Roman said that he wouldn’t rest, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t do anything else, until he at least had a spark of inspiration.

It had been three days.

Patton had come by begging him to eat and sleep, but Roman refused. Logan stopped by and lectured him about the benefits of rest, but Roman ignored him. He was a hypocrite anyway, telling him to get rest when he wasn’t getting any himself, and when he still judged Roman’s work so harshly.

Virgil had tried to force his way into Roman’s room multiple times but Roman cut off all the places he could.

He had to make this video perfect. The Fanders would expect nothing less. And he had even more pressure because of the last video, people were freaking out over the snake’s name reveal. They wanted more of Deceit in the videos.

But Roman didn’t really want to do that. He’s had enough of that liar. Everyone else seemed to be 'simping’ for him, and Roman was fed up with it. They were so starry eyed that they didn’t even notice when Roman’s feelings had gotten hurt.

So Roman decided not to let that Reptilian Rapscallion in another important video. He would only make things worse than they already were.

To be honest, Roman’s mental health wasn’t in the best state either. Sure, he acted fine when Patton came to him after the video, he said that he just got frustrated and would try better to include Deceit. For someone who didn’t like the lying side, Roman was sure lying a lot.

And he acted okay when Patton and Logan put down video idea, after video idea. He acted okay when no one could show up for his birthday party because they were all ‘busy’. Not even Virgil, which hurt.

He pretended to brush it off like it didn’t matter.

But it did.

It mattered, because it showed that no one actually cared. But he could bear it, he was a prince after all.

Roman shook himself, he had to think of an idea! Maybe if he just… 

Roman slammed his head on the desk, as if he could slam an idea into his head.

It did nothing but make him more dizzy. He fell back in his chair and hit his head again against the floor.

“Well, you sure took a pounding. Hope your butthole is okay.”

Roman sighed and opened his eyes, “Hello Remus.” He sat up and rubbed his head.

Remus was sitting sideways on the wall, pickled poo logs in hand, smiling at his brother. “Hiya bro!” He said, hopping off the wall and into a headstand. “What’s popping? Oh wait! I know! Children guts, I put them in the microwave last night. They take a while to explode.”

Roman wrinkled his nose, “What do you want Remus?”

“What? I can’t say hi to my favorite brother?”

“Seriously. I’m busy.”

“Busy slamming your head on the table?” Remus asked, picking his nose.

“No, I have other work. For the videos and stuff, you know, actual responsibility.”

“Ughh, whatever. You’ve been cooped up in here for what? Three days? You can come out, even if it is to go into someone else's room… maybe Logan’s?”

“Oh my god! No! Eww!”

Remus snickered, “C’mon! You can’t deny that he's pretty damn hot.”

“Remus, we have the same face.”

“He just wears it better.”

Roman ignored him, “So, they sent you in here to get me out? Well tell them I’m not going to, and that you're literally the last person that can convince me of anything.”

“Oooooh! Do I smell a challenge?” Remus said, hopping back to his feet.

“No I-”

“Well then, I accept!”

“Remus, this isn’t-”

“What if I can convince you to join me in the Dark Side of Thomas’ mind?”

Roman stopped talking. “What?”

Remus smiled, “You heard me. I want you to join the Dark Sides.”

“Push,” Roman scoffed, crossing his arms, “Like I would do that.”

Remus mirrored his position, “Really? Oh how I forgot. You must have the perfect life here, everyone loves every single one of your ideas right? They’re so nice to you.”

Roman faltered, “Yes. Yes I do. Everyone is nice.” He was lying through his teeth now, not even exaggerating.

Remus nodded, playing along, “Then my life must pale in comparison. Why have all that freedom, all that power. When you could bend over backwards trying to please everyone and make things perfect. It just seems so dull.”

Roman glared, his competitive side showing, “I’m not kidding. I don’t have to make things perfect, they accept me no matter what!”

Remus shrugged, “Okay I guess.”

Roman blinked, he hadn’t expected his brother to give up so easily. But he should have known better, Remus doesn’t give up.

Remus snapped his fingers, Roman’s room spun around them, colors whirling.

“Remus! This is my room! You can’t change it to the Imagination!”

“Yes I can! You forget I'm Thomas’ creativity too!”

“But-” Roman was cut off as his feet hit the ground. He looked around, Remus had transformed his room into a bar.

He rolled his eyes, “You really think getting tipsy will help your situation?” (The sides could get drunk in the Mindscape, but it would affect Thomas so they avoided it when they could. Well… except for Deceit.)

Remus nodded and snapped his fingers again. From somewhere in the bar, music started to play, Roman recognized the tune right away. “Well, now you're speaking my language, but you still can’t convince me.”

“We’ll see about that…”

Remus sat down at the bar and conjured a shot glass filled with some kind of liquor. “Right here, right now,  
I put the offer out,  
I don't want to chase you down,  
I know you see it.”

Roman sighed but decided to play along, let Remus have his fun, Roman wasn’t actually going to consider it… right?

“You run with me,  
And I can cut you free,  
Out of the drudgery and walls you keep in!”

Remus threw an arm over Roman’s shoulder, taking his shot. Roman sighed, resigning to the fact that his brother knew him too well.

“So trade that typical for something colorful,  
And if it's crazy, live a little crazy,  
You can play it sensible, a king of conventional,  
Or you can risk it all and see... “

Remus jumped up on top of the bar and held out a hand to Roman, when he didn’t take it Remus just shrugged and started dancing by himself.

“Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play,  
'Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride,  
It'll take you to the other side!”

Roman would be lying if he said that Remus didn’t lift his spirits. His brother's constant carefree mood was addicting.

“Cause you can do like you do,  
Or you can do like me,  
Stay in the cage, or you'll finally take the key,  
Oh, damn! Suddenly you're free to fly,  
It'll take you to the other side.”

Roman finally gave in, he jumped up on the bar as well. Remus gave him a smug look and handed him a shot glass.

“Okay, my friend, you want to cut me in,  
Well I hate to tell you, but it just won't happen,  
So thanks, but no,  
I think I'm good to go,  
'Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I'm ‘trapped in’.”

Roman raised an eyebrow, getting into character. There was something about acting that gave him a sense of joy and fulfillment.

“Now I admire you, and that whole show you do,  
You're onto something, really it's something,  
But I live among the swells, and we don't pick up peanut shells,  
I'll have to leave that up to you.”

Roman took the shot, and feeling a confidence boost, did a front flip off of the table. Remus applauded as Roman took a bow.

“Don't you know that I'm okay with this uptown part I get to play,  
'Cause I got what I need and I don't want to take the ride,  
I don't need to see the other side.”

Roman turned his nose up at his brother and turned around, haughtily taking another shot.

“So go and do like you do,  
I'm good to do like me,  
Ain't in a cage, so I don't need to take the key,  
Oh, damn! Can't you see I'm doing fine,  
I don't need to see the other side!”

Remus jumped down from the table, he walked up to Roman and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Now is this really how you like to spend your days?  
Whiskey, misery, and parties and plays?”

Roman snorted, turning back around.

“If I were mixed up with you, I'd be the talk of the town.  
Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns!”

He tried to believe what he was saying, but Remus was looking at him earnestly. And he couldn’t look away.

“But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little,  
Just let me give you the freedom to dream,   
And it'll wake you up and cure your aching,  
Take your walls and start 'em breaking,  
Now that's a deal that seems worth taking,  
But I guess I'll leave that up to you.”

The music cut off abruptly and Roman found himself sitting back on his bed with Remus beside him. His brother sighed, dropping his usual attitude.

“Here’s the thing Roman… I’m not stupid. I’m not blind. I can see how unhappy you are. It’s not that hard to tell. And… contrary to popular belief. I do care about you. You’re my brother after all.”

Roman looked up at him. Remus was staring down at his hands, seemingly nervous.

“Can we please forget about ‘Dark Sides” and ‘Light Sides’, and just be family? These people obviously don’t care about you. But I do! Just come live with me! We can stay in the Imagination all day!”

Roman desperately wanted to do what Remus wanted them to. He did love his brother, and spending endless hours in the Imagination with him seemed amazing. But there was just one problem…

“What about Thomas? We’re still his Creativity.”

Remus eyes twinkled. “Well, you want the others to treat you better right?”

Roman nodded, “Yes.”

“Then let's see how they do without Creativity for a bit. They’ll come groveling soon. Just come with me for a bit, you’ll feel better. And if they do come and apologize, then you can make a more concrete decision then. But just know that you're my brother and I won’t stand by and let you be treated like shit. I’ll only let you go back if they promise to be nicer.”

Remus clapped him on the back and Roman blinked. He hadn’t expected Remus to be this… human. He thought that his brother was something from a different planet. Or from Area-51. But no… he had feelings too.

Roman set his shoulders, making his decision. “Alright. I’ll go. I think some quality time with real family in the Imagination is just what I need.”

Remus smiled at him. “Thanks bro!”

Roman grinned back. He snapped his fingers and his room spun around and around. Then he walked over to the door and opened it. Outside, instead the commons, there was a lush green forest. He and Remus stepped through.

Without a second glance back at his room, Roman dashed into the woods, a sense of peace flooding over him.


	8. OS: I’ll Never Forgive You. (JanusxRomulus) (Slight Mociet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus will never forgive Patton for the things he’s done. He never ha and he never will.
> 
> But why does he get these feeling whenever they’re together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I haven’t posted, but this took a long time cause I needed it to be perfect.
> 
> TW: panic attacks, sort of. Language.

King Romulus 

“Well… seems like things worked out after all. Guess I was wrong about everything.” Janus said bitterly, looking away.

“You and I both know… that’s not true.”

Janus looked back at Patton surprised. A little blush crept into his cheeks and he did his best to squash the fluttering in his chest.

“I think Odam sides would be cool… I’d watch Odam sides… I can do what he can do.”

Janus was glad to turn his attention to Leslie who was walking in front of the camera.

“What is up everybody?!”

Uhh. No. He did not just do that.

Nope.

“That was scary but-”

Janus waved his hand and Leslie disappeared. “Okay enough. That was- gosh.”

He glanced at Patton self consciously before adjusting his gloves and sinking down. Janus appeared in his room, and he immediately started panicking.

God!

What was happening?

Why was he blushing! And in front of Patton! Why was his heart beating this fast?

It shouldn’t happen at all! Let alone in front of /Patton/. He would be fine with any other side.

But of course it /had/ to be Patton! The one side it should never be!

Janus couldn’t stop the memories from playing out in his mind’s eye.

*flashback*  
‘“Ohhhhhhhhh Janny!”

Janus looked up from the book he was reading to see his friend Romulus (King Creativity) walk into his room. “Romulus?”

“Guess what I made?”

Janus set down his book as Romulus flopped down on the bed next to him. He held out a model of a castle. It had intricate designs, and was flawlessly made. It was rainbow with a special part that was all yellow.

Janus took it out of Romulus’ hands and held it gently. He lifted it up and peered through the tiny windows to see various tiny rooms with even smaller furniture. It was so delicate and fragile Janus was afraid he might break it.

“Wow!” He whispered, “Romulus… this is terrible! I hate it! How did you make it?”

Romulus smiled brightly. “It’s just how awesome I am.”

Janus rolled his eyes, but he could feel his cheeks heat up when Romulus put a hand on his shoulder.

The creative side pointed out the yellow wing of it, “See? That’s your part. When I’m older, I’ll build this in the Imagination! Then the two of us could spend days there. We could do whatever we want! Think about it Janny! Just us!”

Romulus put down the model of the castle and fanned an arm out in front of him. As if painting a picture of it. Janus snorted and pushed him away. “Psh! That sounds lame. Who would want to spend time with you anyway?”

Romulus seemed unfazed, “C’mon! I know you want to!” He crossed his arms and pouted, “You still refuse to let me take you on a date there.”

“I’ve already told you Rom, I don’t like you like that.” Janus tried to lie, but he knew that his face was too red.

“Really? You’re cheeks say otherwise.” Romulus said, giving him a poke in the arm. “I know you like me and there’s nothing you can denyyyyy.”

Romulus sat up and leaned in really close, until he and Janus were face to face. Janus felt his heartbeat speed up. “A-again. I don’t like you like that.” He protested, leaning back.

“Are you suuurre.” Romulus said coming even closer.

“Y-Yes! I’m sure…”

“Are you lying?”

“No!”

Janus’ eyes flicked down to Romulus’ lips then back up. Romulus was looking at him smugly. “I can tell you want to kiss me.” He whispered teasingly.

Janus jerked his head back. “Enough of this Romulus.” He said, adjusting his gloves. “We’ve been over this.”

Romulus sighed and backed up. “Fine. Fine. Fine. I’ll get you eventually though. We /will/ go on a date in this castle one day. I’ll sweep you off your feet and you can live in the yellow wing.”

Janus felt the blush creep back up into his ears and he shook his head. “Whatever.”

Romulus handed him the model of the castle. “That’s a promise Janus. And keep this as a reminder.”

He winked, then bounced up and out of the room. Leavening Janus to daydream about the time when he actually said yes.

…

“Janus! Patton has called a ‘family meeting!’”

Janus groaned and sat up, glancing at his clock. “It’s six am! Why would he call a meeting now.”

Logan opened his door. “I don’t know Patton’s motives, but he has requested that we be there.”

Janus rolled his eyes and flopped back down. “Tell him that I won’t be there in five minutes.”

Logan nodded and disappeared.

Five minutes later Janus was walking down the hallway when he heard voices being raised. He hurried the rest of the way to find all the other sides sitting in the living room.

Patton was wringing his hands, Logan was shaking his head and muttering to himself. And Romulus was sitting on the couch, with his eyes closed, stiff as a board.

Patton was the first to see him, “Janus! Thank god you're here! I-I did something and-and I don’t think Romulus is okay.”

Janus narrowed his eyes and rushed over to his friend. Patton pointed to the creative side, who was still unmoving.

“What did you do to him!?” Janus demanded.

“Well, I found out Romulus was looking up some inappropriate stuff online, and I didn’t want it to affect Thomas so I…” Patton trailed off and looked away.

Janus felt something cold settle in his heart. “Patton.” He hissed, “What the hell did you do!?”

Patton squeaked, “Language!”

“You’re avoiding my question!”

Logan stepped in, “Janus. I’m sure Patton didn’t mean to-”

Janus’ head snapped up to stare the logical side down. “Mean to /what/?”

“IkindofwantedtomakeRomulusforgetaboutwhathesawsohedidn’tgiveThomasanyideassoIgavehimadrinktomakehimforgetit.” Patton blurted.

Janus felt paralyzed, “What?”

“I gave him a drink to make him forget the stuff he saw online, Janus I didn’t want it to affect Thomas!” Patton sounded hysterical.

“Why would you do that!” Janus yelled, “We don't know what it could do to him! How could you be so careless!?”

Patton ducked and cowered behind Logan. Logan glared at Janus, “Janus, calm down. Patton meant no harm. And I'm sure it didn’t do anything bad.”

“Calm down!? Calm down!?” Janus was in full rage mode, but he didn’t care. “Logan! Romulus is literally unconscious, and Patton did it! But you expect me to CALM DOWN I-”

Janus stopped talking, for he had just seen Romulus open his eyes. But instead of their normal chocolate brown, Romulus’ eyes were glowing gold.

Janus rushed over to him, “Romulus? Rom? Are you okay?”

Patton and Logan came up behind him as Janus shook the creative side, trying to wake him. But Romulus was sitting stone still, and the most alarming thing was that he was ice cold.

Janus was suddenly blasted back. He crashed into the wall with Patton and Logan. Shaking his head to clear the splitting headache that had formed, he jumped to his feet.

Romulus was being lifted off the ground. Thin strips of gold were whirling around him, spinning faster and faster until he was fully engulfed in almost a cocoon shape. Janus attempted to run to help him, but Logan held him back. Probably for the best too, Janus didn’t know what he would do to help anyway. He was in too much of a shock.

The gold ball got bigger and bigger until it engulfed the entire room and left the other three sides to cower in the corner. Janus screwed his eyes shut to stop himself from being blinded.

There was a loud bang and then it was silent.

Janus took a moment to let his heart slow down before opening his eyes. Two sides standing where Romulus once was, blinking like they didn’t know what was going on.

Patton and Logan stared at them, but Janus just looked around the room. “Where’s Romulus?!” He demanded, “What happened to him?”

“Romulus?” One of the new sides asked. “Who’s that?”

Janus shot him a glare, “Creativity.”

The side looked confused, “But… I’m Creativity.”

Janus stopped his scan of the room. “What?”

The side beside the first one gasped, “Really!? I’m Creativity too! Brothers?”

“Brothers!”

The two sides embraced as Janus walked up to them, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You two can’t be Creativity. That's- That’s Romulus.”

“But… my name’s Roman.” The first one said.

“And I’m Remus!”

“And we’re Creativity!” They said at the same time.

“Enough of this!” Janus growled, turning his back on the brothers. “Romulus! I know you like pranks, but you’ve taken this too far. Come out and fix this! I’m not kidding!”

When nothing happened, Janus got even angrier. “Romulus! This isn’t funny!”

The room was dead silent. Janus felt rage bubbling up inside him, along with fear. He pushed that fear down and sat down on the couch. “I’m sitting here until you end this whole ordeal.”

Minutes passed. No one moved.

After a quarter of an hour, Janus heard one of the new sides whisper to his brother. “What’s he doing? And who is this Romulus? Do you think we could pull some pranks like this? Why are those two other sides just standing there? Do you think I could fuck an ostrich?”

Patton gave a jump, “Language! And no! You may not do that!”

“Why not?” Remus asked, crossing his arms.

“I-I well it’s just-” Patton stuttered, “It-s just- nobody really… does that.”

“So?” Remus challenged. “I could be the first one to try.”

Patton put his hands on his hips, ‘dad mode’ kicking in. “Young man, you will be doing no such thing. I would send you to your room, but you don’t have one.”

Janus rolled his eyes, fed up with everything. “Patton, can’t you see that this is just one of Romulus’ tricks? He’ll be back soon.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, until Logan broke it. “Patton?”

“Yeah?”

“What kind of drink did you give Romulus?”

Patton bit his lip, “Well, it was my first time making it, and it was supposed to make him forget everything that he read on the internet…”

“Like what?” Remus asked, “Kinks? Fetishes? Sex? Dildos? BDSM?”

Patton covered his ears, “SSSHHHHH!”

Logan snapped his fingers, “Patton, focus.”

The morals side nodded, “Yeah. He was just supposed to forget all that… stuff.”

Logan nodded, and Janus could practically see the gears turning in his head. “What if… what if the drink you were trying to make… didn’t make Romulus forget those thoughts, but split them off of him? Henceforth creating two sides unintentionally.”

Janus snorted, “Are you serious? You’re reading too much into this. It’s obviously one of his tricks, and I am so not here for it.”

Logan went on, ignoring him. “And as Romulus was Creativity, he split himself in two, or- the drink split him in two-”

“Into what?” Roman asked.

“Into a butthole.” Remus supplied.

Patton covered his ears again and Logan sighed, “Into two sides.”

“That makes no sense Logan.” Janus said, “Like I said before, this is one of his tricks.”

“Well Janus. Patton said himself that it was his first time making the drink. These two both claim their Creativity. Didn’t we all know what we were when we appeared in the mindscape? And our names? We’ve seen for ourselves that Remus is a bit more… lenient on the use of his language and ideas than Roman. So what if the drink Patton made actually ended up splitting off those unpleasant thoughts.”

“Hey!” Roman protested, “I know what all those things are!”

“Oh yeah?” Remus teased, “Then what does BDSM stand for then?”

“Umm… Barbies, Dinosaurs, and Small Meatballs?”

“Wroooong!”

Janus clenched his jaw, “Logan, what your suggesting is absolutely absurd. How can you think of an explanation this fast anyway? Unless you're in league with him. I will /prove/ that it’s one of Romulus' tricks watch…” Janus took a deep breath and screwed his eyes shut, “Romulus… I’ll go on a date with you.”

He waited for Roman and Remus to disappear, and Romulus appeared in their place. But he never did.

Janus’ heartbeat started to get more and more frantic, “Rom? Rom! I will seriously do anything! Just please show yourself.” He sounded way too desperate, even to his own ears.

“I will go on a date in that castle! I promise!” Janus yelled to the wall.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Each second seemed like a year.

Each minute, a millennia.

But there was never a response.

His friend never popped up behind him and shouted ‘Surprise!’

He never came around the corner laughing at him.

He never appeared in front of Janus and dumped water on his head.

Instead the room was dead slilent.

Everything hit Janus at once. Romulus was gone. Logan was right. He was gone.

Probably for good.

He slowly turned around, gaze locking on one single side.

“You.” He hissed. His voice sounded cold and unlike himself. “You did this.”

Patton lowered his gaze. “I-I’m sorry Janus. Maybe we could reverse it?”

“No.” Janus said, his heart shattering into a million pieces, “No. This is irreversible. When things like this happened, you can't just press the undo button Patton.”

“But if I made another drink-”

“And split Roman and Remus too? I don’t think so.”

Logan cleared his throat, “Janus- I think you need to-”

“DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!”

Everyone jumped, they hadn’t expected Janus to lose his temper.

“PATTON LITERALLY SPLITS ROMULUS, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN! THAT’S BULLSHIT! HOW DARE YOU!” Janus could feel the ball of anger in his stomach getting bigger and bigger, he turned to Patton. “AND YOU! HOW COULD YOU! YOU MADE A DRINK NOT KNOWING WHAT IT COULD DO! AND GAVE IT TO HIM!? ARE YOU INSANE? AND NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE! ROMULUS IS GONE AND IN HIS PLACE WE HAVE TWO STUPID SIDES NOW! WHY? WHY, WHY, WHY!?”

Janus could feel something dark and heavy settle in the place where his heart should have been. 

“He’s gone. He’s gone and it’s all your fault.” He said, voice cracking, “I will /never/ forgive you.”

With the crack in his voice, and the crack in his heart. A crack in the floor began to form. Patton, Logan and Roman stepped back in surprise.

But Remus didn’t, he stayed where he was, Roman reached a hand out to his brother. “Remus! Grab my hand!”

“I can’t!” Remus sounded panicked, “My feet are stuck!”

The crack got bigger and bigger. But Janus couldn’t care less. He didn’t care what happened to the other sides. They deserved the worst after what happened to Romulus.

Romulus.

He never expected that name to cause as much pain as it did.

But his friend was gone, and he was never coming back.

Janus swallowed, a feeling of cold, dread and darkness settling over his shoulders. Then he turned his back on the other sides, the crack, and the new Creativity's, disappearing into the other side of the mind.

*end of flashback*

Janus could still remember every detail of that day. He was so angry, for so long. Poor Remus got the silent treatment not even knowing why. It wasn’t his fault that Patton gave Romulus that drink.

They soon learned that it wasn’t actually Patton who had split Creativity, but Thomas. Although the drink that Patton gave him did trigger it.

So after the split Janus retreated to the Dark Side of the mind, and manipulated all the Light Sides to forget his name. It was painful to watch as they all laughed and had fun, but it was even more painful when Virgil left.

That was all in the past now, and Janus shouldn’t be dwelling on it.

But he knew himself too well, if he told himself not to think about it, he inevitably would… 

*flashback*

“Janus?”

Janus looked up, Virgil was standing in front of him looking rather anxious. Or… more anxious than usual.

“V! You’re back!” Janus exclaimed, “Did you make them more anxious? Did our plan work? Did they come after you in your room?”

“Yes. I guess.”

“What do you mean, ‘you guess’?”

“Well, they did believe it-”

“Of course they did. They’re /so not/ that gullible. Like, I could /totally not/ convince them that a chinchilla is actually a banana.” Janus said, laughing.

“Would you stop!” Virgil yelled.

Janus raised an eyebrow at Virgil's sudden outburst, “What?”

“Talking about them like that! We make fun of them a lot, but they're not actually that bad! They’re really nice. Today… Roman said that they needed me.”

Janus was amused, “I guess you're /not/ as gullible as them then. Do you actually believe that they want you around, that they like you? That they won’t just turn tail and abandon you the first chance they get?”

Virgil hung his head, “Well… Patton seems to want me around.” He mumbled.

“What did I tell you about using that name here?” Janus snapped.

Virgil lifted his head to glare at him, “You’re not the boss of me! And quite frankly I like Patton more than you! He’s a lot more happy, you just sit here scheming like some Disney Villain!” Virgil’s eyes widened when he realized what he said and clapped a hand over his mouth.

Janus’ jaw set, “Really. Well then if they’re so /awesome/ why don’t you just go and join them in the ‘Light Side’.”

Virgil took the hand off his mouth, “I think I will! They’re better than you anyway.” They were both yelling by now.

Janus stood up, so he was face to face with Virgil. “You always think you're better than me. Just because I sent you to destroy the Lights doesn’t mean you can just strut in here and badmouth me. It’s obviously gone to your already big head. So stop acting like you're better than all of us!”

Virgil’s eyes were smoldering with rage, “All you do is hurt Thomas! They actually try to help him! How dare you insult them, after you try to hurt them! It’s just sick Jan. That’s what it is, it’s sick and disgusting. And it’s sad, because it’s obvious that someone has hurt you in the past, and you couldn’t get over it! That’s why I’m better than you, that’s why EVERYONE is better than you!”

“If I’m so sad and helpless… then WHY were you SO EASY to MANIPULATE!?”

Janus’ heart stopped. Holy shit. He covered his mouth. Shit shit shit. He wasn’t supposed to say that.

Virgil’s eyes were wide and his voice was low and dangerous. “You did what?”

“Nothing. I did nothing. Just forget I said anything.” Janus said, trying to walk past him.

But Virgil grabbed his hand before he left. He ripped a glove off and stared Janus down. “What. Did. You. Do?”

Janus tried to lie, but the truth slipped off his tongue before he could stop. “You’re not that hard to manipulate. Not as hard as Remus. I saw that you were getting closer to the Lights, so I made you go and steal part of their costume and rip it up. Then I made you leave it where they would find it, with a handwritten note saying that you hated them.”

Virgil dropped the glove in shock, Janus scrambled to pick it up and put it back on. But he knew it wouldn’t help, he knew that the truth was out.

“You… you promised not to do it.” Virgil said hoarsely. His eyes hardened, “How dare you! YOU PIECE OF SHIT! WHAT KIND OF PERSON BREAKS A PROMISE! YOUR SUCH A FUCKING LAIR! I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU DO THIS!”

He spun on his heel and started to walk away. Janus panicked knowing that he had hurt Virgil too much, but still trying to get him back. “V! Wait I-”

“YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME THAT! YOU ABSOLUTE COWARD! YOU SIT HERE AND MAKE ME DO ALL THE DIRTY WORK! DON’T EVER FUCKING TALK TO ME AGAIN!”

Then he walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Janus sat there, shocked stiff. Then anger began to boil up inside him.

Patton. Patton did this. He turned Virgil on him. He made Romulus split. It was all Patton's fault. He took everything from Janus, he doesn’t deserve to live. He doesn’t deserve anything!

Patton.

Patton.

Patton.

It’s all his fault.

All his fault.

‘I will never forgive you.’

*end of flashback*

Janus could feel the tears trying to escape his eyes, but he wouldn’t let them. He wasn’t about to cry over Virgil. What’s past is past. It's best to forget.

But that’s the problem isn’t it?

You can’t forget someone that’s hurt you.

You can’t forget someone that you hurt.

You can’t forget mean and hurtful things said about you.

You can’t forget the mean and hurtful things you’ve said.

You can’t forget a friend that’s gone.

It’s like they’re engraved in your brain. Carved in stone. As much as you try to erase them, or cover them up, the thoughts, the memories, the sadness always comes back.

*flashback*

“Rom! Holy shit! What did you do to my room?!”

“I covered it in confetti! You like it?”

“No! I don’t!”

“Are you lyyyyyying?”

“No! Hey- get back here!”

“Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread Man!”

… 

“Hey Janny!”

“Yes?”

“You like Harry Potter right?”

“No. I hate it.”

“Okay well have you heard of Drarry?”

“Yes totally. What is it?”

“Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter. Just think about it.”

“…HoLy FuCk! YOU’RE RIGHT!”

… 

“Rom? Are you okay?”

“Ssshhhhh! I’m trying to do something!”

*pop*

“Boom! There it is!”

“A door?”

“Not just any door… the Imagination door.”  
… 

“Janny? Will you go on a date with me?”

“Wh-what?”

“Will you, Janus Sanders, go on a date with me, Romulus Sanders?”

“Umm… Rom I don’t think I like you like that.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll get you eventually!”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll get you to fall for me!”

… 

“Janus?”

“Hmm?”

“I just want you to know that I love you… even if you don’t love me. And we’ll go on a date in that castle one day. I promise.”

*end of flashback*

But Romulus broke his promise.

They never went on a date.

Janus sat up and glanced to his left. There stood his closet. It seemed like a normal closet.

But it held something that Janus swore never to look at again.

And here he was. Braking all his rules.

Janus slid off his bed and slowly walked over to his closet door. He pulled it open and his eyes were drawn to the corner. After all those years he could still remember exactly where he put it.

He bent down, shifted aside a large box, to reveal a smaller one. About the size of a shoebox. He picked it up and brought it to his bed, setting it down gently.

He lifted the lid to find a small castle, it was rainbow with a bright yellow tower. And it was just as vibrant as the day Janus got it from his closest friend.

Janus took it out of the box and held it up to eye level. The rooms seemed even more intricate than he thought. Deciding he wanted a closer look, Janus shut his eyes and concentrated.

Next thing he knew, he was standing at the front of the tiny castle, or rather, giant castle now.

He had shrunk himself to be able to fit. He was so tiny that the carpet around him was like tall prairie grass. He pushed though it until he was standing on the castle steps.

Taking a calming breath, he pushed open the double doors.

Inside he found a rather cozy space. Janus had expected it to be more stone-age like, but it was more of a cottagecore castle. And as he walked the halls, Janus also noticed that each of the rooms seemed to have a different color scheme.

The entrance hall was a warm orange. The ballroom was a deep rich red with touches of bronze. The kitchen was bright pink. The solars (basically a living room) were a soft baby blue and light purple with silver lining. The dining hall was dark green and brown, earthy colors.

The only colors Janus hadn’t seen a lot of were yellow and gold. Until he went up to the sleeping quarters.

One part of the wing was a vibrant gold, while the other was a bright, daffodil yellow.

Janus walked into the room, examining it. It was almost exactly his ‘aesthetic’. Romulus must have designed it for him. His suspicions were confirmed when he found a painting of them.

It wasn't hung up on the wall, instead it was set on the bedside table. Janus picked it up and gazed at it.

The painting was of the Romulus and him sitting on a cliff side at night. A picnic blanket spread out underneath them. They were both looking up at the stars, and smiling.

But the part that caught Janus’ eye was the fact that their hands were clasped together. Right in the center of the frame.

Janus’ eyes felt wet. He roungly wiped them and put the painting down. He needed to get out of there.

Just as he was about to leave the room, he heard buzzing come from behind him. He turned to see the painting glowing.

He froze.

What was happening?

Then the painting stopped glowing and lay still. Janus cautiously walked toward it, and almost jumped out of his snake skin when a piece of paper fluttered to the ground by his foot.

He bent down to pick it up, but as soon as he touched it, the paper sprang to life.

Janus jerked back, head reeling. The paper was floating and unfolding itself at the same time.

“What the hell?” Janus whispered, moving closer to it.

On the paper was gold writing, and that too was glowing. The paper seemed to clear it’s throat before speaking in a voice that Janus knew so well.

A voice he never expected to hear again.

“Hey Janny. I know, I know, I know. I know what you're going to say. “It’s a bit cliche, the whole, ‘If you find this note I’m dead’ thing.” But hear me out k?

“I know that I’m dead, or I don’t exist anymore. Because you would only find this note if I was, I enchanted it to do that. Pretty cool right?

“Anyway. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how the others took it. But I know you must have taken it hard. And I just want you to know that it’ll be okay. I’ll see you again in… heaven I guess. I honestly don’t know where sides go when they pass. But I know I’ll see you again some day.

“Because I love you Jan. And yes, I know I’m a bit young. But I just know. It’s cheesy, sure, but love always finds a way to work. We’ll find a way. I’ll find you again.

“I’m running out of paper and there’s only so much this spell can take. But if there’s anything you need to hear. It’s ‘I love you.’ I know you too well, and I know that you don’t love yourself. So here’s enough love for the both of us.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.

“I love you Janus.”

As the paper fell back to the ground, tears fell from Janus’ eyes.

He had never in his whole existence felt this much emotion before. There was grief and sadness for his lost friend. He was crying over a letter, but he was also laughing at it because it was just so… Romulus.

It was a whirlwind, a tornado, a hurricane of emotion. And Janus didn’t know what to do with it.

So he just let it all out.

He laughed, he cried. He smiled, he frowned. He punched the wall and the bed. He held the picture. And he collapsed to the ground.

When it all ended, Janus felt exhausted. So he just snapped his fingers, the castle disappeared around him, and it was back on his bed.

Janus sat down, trying to comprehend what he was feeling. But it was impossible.

So he just sat there, staring at the castle, almost in a stupor.

Just then, he heard a knock on his door. Janus got up and answered it. Patton was standing there.

“Hey Janus I just- oh…”

“What?”

“Were you… were you crying?”

Janus suddenly realized that he must look like a mess. “Uhh. Yes. I was totally crying and not trying a new brand of makeup.”

Patton nodded, “Well I just came by to ask you a couple of questions. It’s just kind of tradition. When Virgil joined us we did the same thing. Don’t worry they’re all fun and silly!”

“Okay. I suppose I won’t do them. Let me just wipe off this makeup.”

Janus hurried into his bathroom as Patton sat down in his only chair and pulled out a notebook.

Janus didn’t have any mirrors in his bathroom due to his eisoptrophobia. But he had learned to deal with it. When he was confident with his appearance, Janus walked back out of the bathroom.

“Patton I-”

But Patton wasn’t sitting in the chair, instead he was standing next to Janus’ bed. The lying side’s blood ran cold as Patton turned to look at him.

“Janus… I-I’m sorry.”

He was holding the model of the castle.

Janus’ feet felt frozen in place. He didn’t know what to say. “Patton… I…”

“No. Nothing I can say or do can make up for what I did. I know how much pain I caused you. It-it made me feel sick. So I pushed it to the back of my mind, but… but I never forgot it.”

Patton set the castle back down. “Nothing can excuse the pain you felt. I’m so, so, so sorry. And I’ll… I’ll understand if you don’t forgive me. I-I deserve it.”

Janus was still standing stock still.

Was he ready?

Was he ready to forgive Patton? After everything he had done, Janus didn’t think so.

But.

Patton apologizing was a start.

“I’m not quite ready yet.” Janus said, sighing. “I need time… but I’m sure I’ll be ready soon.”

Patton smiled his dazzling smile, and Janus could feel the butterflies returning to his stomach.

Maybe he would be ready sooner than he thought…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!


	9. SF: Shut Up and Kiss Me (Intruloceit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus serenades his boyfriends in his own way, but he didn’t know that Logan would take it so literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this took so long to get up. School and stuff. But this one was requested by Lunatic19:
> 
> ‘Logan reacts negatively when Remus tells Janus to shut up only to find out that it was part of the song. Thus cuddles ensue to make sure that the logical side understands that when Remus says "Shut up" he just wants kisses.‘
> 
> This is my first time writing this ship, but I find it so cute! Please tell me if I did anything wrong!

Logan was sitting on the couch reading his favorite book (The Murder of Roger Ackroyd) for probably the 49th time when he heard loud music coming from upstairs.

It was unusual for Virgil to be playing his My Chemical Romance playlist at 7pm. He usually played it at 3am when everyone was trying to sleep.

Logan just decided to ignore it. He briefly wondered where his boyfriends were, but he got sucked back into the book.

Just as he did, Logan felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see Patton standing there. “Patton? Did you need something?”

“Yeah… Umm. Remus is making a racket upstairs while I’m trying to work on something, and I was wondering if you could get him to stop being so loud. I would try to convince him myself, but he’ll only ever listen to you and Janus.”

“Of course.”

Logan stood up, put his book down and walked up the stairs. He walked down the hallway to Remus’ room, and knocked.

There was shuffling then an eyeball poked out of the door. Literally. A hand was holding an eyeball. Logan sighed, “Remus can I come in?”

The door cracked open and Logan stepped inside to find Remus holding one of his eyes. “You know I love you, but you're rather strange.” Logan said, sitting down on the bed.

Remus plopped down next to him, “But you love it.”

“I love you, I can’t say I love that side of you.”

Remus crossed his arms, “Logy, don’t go lying now. That’s our boyfriend’s job.”

Logan’s cheeks tinted pink, “Anyway. I was sent up here by Patton. He wants you to be a little quieter, as he’s working on a project for Thomas.”

“Okay! I will be, as soon as Janny gets here!”

“Janus?”

Remus jumped to his feet, “Yeah! I have a surprise for you two.”

“Surprise?” Logan asked.

There was another knock on the door. Remus made to take his eyeball out again, but Logan stopped him. Instead, moving to the door and opening it.

There stood Janus. He looked a little annoyed when he walked into the room. “Okay. I’m here. Do what you were going to do Remus.”

Remus rested his chin on Janus’ shoulder, “What’s wrong Janny?” He asked in a baby voice, giving him puppy dog eyes.

Janus rolled his eyes, but Logan saw him smile a little. Remus had a way of doing that, no matter how down the two of them were, he always found a way to make them smile.

Janus sat down on the bed, “It’s your brother Remus. He’s just so hard to get along with! Today Roman and I were working on a video idea, he would not stop changing it and taking out all of my ideas. He’s so infuriating! I don’t see why I can’t go back to hating him.”

“Well,” Logan said, “Being mean or throwing insults wont work. We’ve seen what it’s done before. And vice versa, Roman’s insults don't do any good either. Being kind to each other seems like the logical option, does it not?”

Janus sighed, “I suppose it is, although it’s not the most satisfying one.”

“If it means anything I’m proud of you.” Logan said, “I’m proud that you made the decision to apologize and change.”

Janus looked up at him and smiled, “It does mean a lot Logan.”

His smile was so dazzling that Logan was starting to blush. So he adjusted his tie and turned to Remus, “Okay. We’re here. What did you need?”

“You two to fuck me.” Remus responded, tone completely serious.

The room got dead silent. Logan cleared his throat, “Remus. I don’t think now is-”

Remus burst out laughing, “I’m kidding nerd daddy! But you should have seen your faces. Hang on, it’s something else, but I have to grab it.”

‘So much for not blushing.’ Logan thought, as Remus skipped into his closet.

He sat down on the bed next to Janus. His boyfriend took his hand, “I know I’m doing okay now. But what about you love?” He asked, “Are the other’s listening to you in the videos, ever since I talked to them?”

Logan rested his head on Janus’ shoulder, “Ever since you yelled at them you mean.” He said, smirking. “But yes, they’ve been listening to me more.”

“I’m glad.” Janus said, taking off a glove and carding his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair.

Logan closed his eyes and leaned into the embrace. One of the things he loved about Remus and Janus, is that they didn’t care whether he was being sensible and logical or not.

Around the others, he always acted like he knew all the answers, because that’s what he was expected to do. But with his boyfriends, he could be the one to ask for help.

It was refreshing. And Logan loved them so much.

Remus skipped back into the room, carrying an old school beatbox. He set it on the ground.

“What are you doing?” Logan asked, lifting his head off Janus’ shoulder.

Remus winked, “You’ll see.”

He flipped the switch on the top of the beatbox and a song started to play. It had a very upbeat melody and Logan had a sudden urge to get up and dance… he never did that.

But Remus did, he started doing every dance move imaginable, from waltzing with the air, to doing a head spin. Then he started singing.

“You can say you're kind of bored with this,  
But if you're young, it's new, I guess,  
And I don't want you leaving me now.”

Logan was amazed at how well Remus could sing. Sure they were all aspects of Thomas and he sang well. But the way everyone did it was a little different. And Remus… he was AMAZING!

“You can say that I don't know romance,  
I can sing but I can't dance,  
And I don't want you leaving me now.”

‘Remus is wrong about the ‘I can’t sing part.’” Logan thought.

“Oh well you say I'm a mess,  
You say everything but a yes,  
You say you'll never date me,  
You say your mom will hate me…”

Remus spun around and pointed at Janus.

“Or you can just shut up.”

‘What?’ Logan thought, ‘Why would Remus tell Janus to shut up?’ Then Remus pointed to Logan.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

Hearing those words come out of Remus’ mouth was Logan’s worst nightmare. He always thought that he talked too much, especially around the others. Janus always told lies, but he couldn’t help that. And Logan knew Janus always thought that he should stop talking all the time in case he said something he didn’t mean.

And now Remus was telling both of them to shut up. It hurt Logan more than he would have liked to admit.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Remus yanked Janus to his feet and started spinning.

“Baby don't say to me,  
You should stay away from me,  
Cause I don't want you leaving me now.”

Janus was laughing and seemingly happy, so was Remus. But Logan was sitting stone still, trying not to let his inner turmoil show on his face.

“Oh you say I don't listen right,  
I only hear just what I like,  
And I don't want you leaving me now.”

Logan looked away, he didn’t want to look at Remus right then.

“Well you say I'm a mess,  
You say everything but a yes,  
You say you'll never date me,  
You say your mom will hate me.”

Remus told him to shut up. And here Logan thought someone understood him. But no. Remus was the same as the others.

All those times Logan went on rants about something, Remus must have just been pretending to listen.

All those times Janus apologized for lying, Remus must have just been pretending to forgive him.

“Or you can just shut up.”

There it was again. Remus telling them to shut up. Remus tried to pull Logan up the same way he did Janus, but Logan kept his arms firmly glued to his sides. Eyes staring straight ahead.

“Shut up shut up shut up-”

Suddenly the music stopped, Remus stopped dancing and singing too. Logan felt them both sit down on either side of him, but he just kept looking ahead. Trying to dam all his emotions.

“Logan love, what’s wrong?” Janus asked, sounding worried.

“Was it something we did?” Remus asked, putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder.

Logan jerked his shoulder. The hurt inside him was turning into anger. At Remus sure, for telling him to shut up, but mostly at himself for believing that someone understood him. And that someone wanted to listen to him.

“Logan?” Remus asked again, he sounded like he might cry. “Please tell us what we did wrong.”

Logan ignored him and instead turned to Janus. “You’re not angry at him?”

Janus looked confused, but said calmly, “Should I be?”

“Yes. He told both of us to shut up.”

Janus’ expression was even more dumbfounded, then he heard Remus say “Ohhhhhhhhhhh.”

Logan turned back to him, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

Remus shook his head, laughing. “Logan… That was part of the song! Did you hear the next line?”

“No.” Logan said stiffly, mad at the fact that now Remus was laughing at him.

“The next line was ‘Shut up and /kiss me/, love.”

Logan suddenly felt stupid.

Oh god.

Did he actually believe that Remus would say something like that and mean it? He bowed his head in embarrassment as Remus and Janus laughed. His cheeks were bright pink.

When the two stopped laughing, Remus put a hand on his back. “Logan. Janus. I’m sorry.”

Logan lifted his head. Remus was looking at his hands.

“I shouldn’t have picked that song. I know how sensitive you two are to that phrase, but I didn’t think it would get bad. I thought you two would take it as it was. But I shouldn’t have assumed that. So I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for the apology.” Janus said, “But I did take it as a joke, and it’s not my place to forgive you. It’s Logan’s.”

Logan looked up into Remus’ eyes, he looked scared that Logan might not forgive him. But Logan nodded, “Yes. Remus I forgive you. It was rather stupid of me to take that literally.”

“Thanks Lolo, but it wasn’t stupid of you. I promise.

Logan smiled at him.

Remus got a mischievous look on his face, “Now, I’m not gonna tell you to shut up… but can you do the other thing?”

“What?” Logan asked, “Kiss you?”

“Duh.”

Logan laughed and did just that.

Suddenly Remus tackled him down on the bed. Janus fell with them, and all three ended in a tangle of limbs.

“Cuddle Party!” Remus exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Logan’s torso and burying his face in Logan’s neck.

The logical side chuckled, Remus often surprised them with a cuddle party, but Logan and Janus didn’t mind. They liked it more than they would admit.

The three of them snuggled together in a heap, like they were gay penguins at a zoo.

When he thought the other two were asleep, Logan kissed Remus on the head, and Janus on the nose. “I love you.” He whispered.

As Logan closed his eyes, he heard two ‘I love you’s whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked it!
> 
> Also, I’m thinking about bringing back Bonding Week. And I have a couple ideas, so expect that fic soon I guess. (It’s going to be from Janus’ point of view too.)


End file.
